And, for whatever reason, Fandom at Large identifies penetrative sex as "real" sex and other kinds of sex as foreplay or simply not in the equation.

This is unfortunate. Very unfortunate.

Also, I don't think there are a lot of fics with kinky sex except in the specific context of a kink meme or a specialized comm.

Again, unfortunate. I was going to say, we should remedy that. Have a fest. Which of course underscores the issue. *headdesk*