I'm glad you think past you would be happy about your career! It's so important to feel that one got somewhere one wanted to be! And mellowing is great! What is aging for, if not being able to stop giving all the fucks?

I am a middle-aged mom who goes to bed at 9:15 every night, and that's fine.

Haha, I'm not a mom and it's 8pm, but apart from that, I feel seen! :)

Eeek I hit post instead of quote. Sorry.

I have spent my entire adult life craving approval from my parents that is never going to come. I have felt so much anxiety and hurt from interacting with them at different times.

Was it you that really related to Jiang Cheng? If so, this goes a good way towards explaining why! You know the Larkin poem, yes? (Not that I mean to imply you shouldn't have had kids!!!)