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I want to write a Snape/James Potter fic, but I don’t think I’ve got the voices or the canon down enough for it. If I could write it, though, this is sort of how I think it would go:
An Almost Story
After Harry looks into Snape’s Pensieve and discovers the way his father and Sirius treated Snape (and the way Remus just looked on, not doing anything), he can’t sleep. Sometimes finding out that parents are human after all is a relief, a revelation that brings a family closer together; sometimes it’s just disturbing, sickening, even. So Harry throws on his cloak and sneaks back into the dungeons and looks once more into the memories that Snape has conveniently forgotten to extract from the Pensieve.
This is what he sees:
1. A tiny Severus Snape—black robes that hang limply to his ankles, long black hair that just brushes his collarbones, pale pale skin—navigating the corridor of the train to Hogwarts. Some older students, Slytherins Harry notes, acknowledge his presence with nods, but nobody talks to him, nobody helps him with his trunk, nobody touches him. He sits alone in a compartment and stares out at the bustling platform until someone else comes in. My dad, Harry realizes. James talks to Snape, not seeming to notice that Snape desperately wants to be left alone. He just keeps asking questions about Hogwarts and what does Snape think it’ll be like and what house does he think he’ll get sorted to. Snape answers, “Slytherin, naturally.” James pauses for a minute, and then grins. “I’ll bet you get up to some serious mischief then, huh?” Snape almost smiles back.
2. Snape and his dad and Sirius and Remus and Peter, all of them, in the Room of Requirement, drinking Firewhiskey and gagging and then trying to pretend they hadn’t. They’re still first years, gotta be, Harry thinks. They’re still so young.. “Happy birthday, James,” says Sirius and gives him a sack full of Chocolate Frogs and then Remus and Peter are handing over wrapped packages, too, and then Snape shakes out something shiny and fluid and ripply from his schoolbag and says, “Happy birthday,” and Harry’s stunned because it’s his Invisibility Cloak, his dad’s cloak.
3. Snape and his dad down by the lake, skipping stones. Snape’s almost tanned now. He must be getting outside more, now that he’s hanging out with my dad and Sirius and the rest of them. “We’ll just have to be more careful, then, Severus,” says James. “Leave it to the Slytherins to get their knickers all in a bunch just because you’re friends with Gryffindors. We do most of our mischief at night anyway. Don’t worry.” And then Snape smiles, and Harry thinks that kind of joy looks so weird on Snape’s face and then he realizes Snape’s smiling that way because he was afraid James would agree with his House, would say that they really had no business running around together, fun as it’s been and all.
4. Snape and James and Sirius and Remus and Peter at James’s house for Christmas holiday. They’re all crammed into one tiny room, James and Snape on the bed and Sirius and Remus leaning against the wall and Peter tucked into the windowsill. They’re talking about presents and Quidditch and the girls in their classes, but every so often Snape just looks at James. Looks at him. And Harry sees Remus look at Sirius the same way, watches him inch his leg over until it’s barely touching Sirius’s, watches him hold his breath and wait for Sirius to move away. He doesn’t.
5. Snape at home for summer break, at a massive writing desk, watery light coming through the thick, black drapes. Dear James, I can’t wait until the summer ends. This house is a bloody bore. Say hello to everyone for me when you see them. Severus
6. Snape and James under the cloak in the Restricted Section of the Library. “It’s good to be back, huh, Sev,” James says. “I thought the summer would never end,” Snape answers. They move together under the cloak, clearly practiced at walking in tandem, until James trips over a book that’s fallen from the bottom shelf. Snape catches him, reflexively, and then sort of stands there with his arms around him and just looks. And his dad just stands there, too. Just stands there until Snape leans in and puts a tiny kiss on the corner of his mouth. And still James stands there. Until he backs away and says, “What are you doing?” “I thought . . .” Snape says. “Well, you thought wrong,” James says. And he walks Snape back to Slytherin house under the cloak and though they still walk in tandem, their shoulders don’t brush together or their hands accidentally meet.
7. James and Sirius and Remus and Peter outside on the lawn under a tree. Snape watches them for a minute and then he squares his shoulders and walks up and says hello. The rest have friendly, easy smiles on their faces, but James squinches his eyes and his cheeks go red and he says, “What do you want, Snivellus?” Sirius and Remus and Peter look at him for a minute like he’s lost his mind—Remus glancing back and forth between James and Snape like he’s piecing something together—and then Sirius laughs and comes up with an insult of his own. Remus looks at Sirius once, and then at the ground, like he’s realizing something else. He inches his leg back away from Sirius who doesn’t notice. Snape just stands there. He looks like he might cry, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything either. He just walks away.
Harry pulls his head out of the Pensieve. He thinks he might be sick. He goes back to his room and folds up his dad’s cloak and puts it at the very bottom of his trunk. The next day, he gives it to Ron.
An Almost Story
After Harry looks into Snape’s Pensieve and discovers the way his father and Sirius treated Snape (and the way Remus just looked on, not doing anything), he can’t sleep. Sometimes finding out that parents are human after all is a relief, a revelation that brings a family closer together; sometimes it’s just disturbing, sickening, even. So Harry throws on his cloak and sneaks back into the dungeons and looks once more into the memories that Snape has conveniently forgotten to extract from the Pensieve.
This is what he sees:
1. A tiny Severus Snape—black robes that hang limply to his ankles, long black hair that just brushes his collarbones, pale pale skin—navigating the corridor of the train to Hogwarts. Some older students, Slytherins Harry notes, acknowledge his presence with nods, but nobody talks to him, nobody helps him with his trunk, nobody touches him. He sits alone in a compartment and stares out at the bustling platform until someone else comes in. My dad, Harry realizes. James talks to Snape, not seeming to notice that Snape desperately wants to be left alone. He just keeps asking questions about Hogwarts and what does Snape think it’ll be like and what house does he think he’ll get sorted to. Snape answers, “Slytherin, naturally.” James pauses for a minute, and then grins. “I’ll bet you get up to some serious mischief then, huh?” Snape almost smiles back.
2. Snape and his dad and Sirius and Remus and Peter, all of them, in the Room of Requirement, drinking Firewhiskey and gagging and then trying to pretend they hadn’t. They’re still first years, gotta be, Harry thinks. They’re still so young.. “Happy birthday, James,” says Sirius and gives him a sack full of Chocolate Frogs and then Remus and Peter are handing over wrapped packages, too, and then Snape shakes out something shiny and fluid and ripply from his schoolbag and says, “Happy birthday,” and Harry’s stunned because it’s his Invisibility Cloak, his dad’s cloak.
3. Snape and his dad down by the lake, skipping stones. Snape’s almost tanned now. He must be getting outside more, now that he’s hanging out with my dad and Sirius and the rest of them. “We’ll just have to be more careful, then, Severus,” says James. “Leave it to the Slytherins to get their knickers all in a bunch just because you’re friends with Gryffindors. We do most of our mischief at night anyway. Don’t worry.” And then Snape smiles, and Harry thinks that kind of joy looks so weird on Snape’s face and then he realizes Snape’s smiling that way because he was afraid James would agree with his House, would say that they really had no business running around together, fun as it’s been and all.
4. Snape and James and Sirius and Remus and Peter at James’s house for Christmas holiday. They’re all crammed into one tiny room, James and Snape on the bed and Sirius and Remus leaning against the wall and Peter tucked into the windowsill. They’re talking about presents and Quidditch and the girls in their classes, but every so often Snape just looks at James. Looks at him. And Harry sees Remus look at Sirius the same way, watches him inch his leg over until it’s barely touching Sirius’s, watches him hold his breath and wait for Sirius to move away. He doesn’t.
5. Snape at home for summer break, at a massive writing desk, watery light coming through the thick, black drapes. Dear James, I can’t wait until the summer ends. This house is a bloody bore. Say hello to everyone for me when you see them. Severus
6. Snape and James under the cloak in the Restricted Section of the Library. “It’s good to be back, huh, Sev,” James says. “I thought the summer would never end,” Snape answers. They move together under the cloak, clearly practiced at walking in tandem, until James trips over a book that’s fallen from the bottom shelf. Snape catches him, reflexively, and then sort of stands there with his arms around him and just looks. And his dad just stands there, too. Just stands there until Snape leans in and puts a tiny kiss on the corner of his mouth. And still James stands there. Until he backs away and says, “What are you doing?” “I thought . . .” Snape says. “Well, you thought wrong,” James says. And he walks Snape back to Slytherin house under the cloak and though they still walk in tandem, their shoulders don’t brush together or their hands accidentally meet.
7. James and Sirius and Remus and Peter outside on the lawn under a tree. Snape watches them for a minute and then he squares his shoulders and walks up and says hello. The rest have friendly, easy smiles on their faces, but James squinches his eyes and his cheeks go red and he says, “What do you want, Snivellus?” Sirius and Remus and Peter look at him for a minute like he’s lost his mind—Remus glancing back and forth between James and Snape like he’s piecing something together—and then Sirius laughs and comes up with an insult of his own. Remus looks at Sirius once, and then at the ground, like he’s realizing something else. He inches his leg back away from Sirius who doesn’t notice. Snape just stands there. He looks like he might cry, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything either. He just walks away.
Harry pulls his head out of the Pensieve. He thinks he might be sick. He goes back to his room and folds up his dad’s cloak and puts it at the very bottom of his trunk. The next day, he gives it to Ron.