Entry tags:
insert witty title here
1. We are home! I am a genius, so we came home to a delightfully clean house (always clean house before you leave!), and I slept on crisp clean sheets, and I did not get up to pee even one single time!!
2. We have the most wonderful friends. We started the claim for Emma's laptop with Asurion before we left, and the packing materials arrived while we were gone, so they shipped it for us with the results that Asurion already has her laptop and is working to fix it, greatly allaying my fears that she won't get it back in time to take it with her to college.
3. Fiona is doing great, my dad is doing great, I am not having any terrible side effects from my new meds, Josh has his first dose of the new med in him, no poopacalypse was had, hooray!
4. Oh, y'all. This trip was emotionally rough. We haven't seen Josh's parents in two years, and his mother has deteriorated a great deal. She just says the same thing over and over again, and it was relatively easy for us to listen to the same story over and over again because we are guests and we get to leave, but Josh's dad has 100% checked out. He does all the chores and he does all the cooking and he's not mean to her, but he's completely disengaged from her. It hurts Josh to not only see how much his mother has deteriorated mentally but how distant his father is. It also became clear to me that the real reason she's not traveling is not really because of her colitis (which is genuine; she was hospitalized for it after all) but because of her memory issues. She's aware enough of them to know that she has them and that she can't travel with them by herself, so she couldn't go see her sister in the hospital, for example, because she'd have to drive to Tennessee by herself. And she's also aware enough of them that I believe she is embarrassed so that she didn't want to expose them to my family which is why she didn't come to my parents' a couple weeks ago or to Emma's graduation. I don't think she'll ever travel again. I am resolved to do a better job calling her and sending her letters and cards and having the girls send her drawings and etc.
The visit was also rough for me because there's zero regard for my celiac, and it's really hard not to let it hurt my feelings; his mom doesn't hurt my feelings because she literally can't do any better, but his dad is a different story.
5.![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
executrix sends me the best books. I just finished a wonderful book of criticism she sent me.
Victorian Literature by Austin Wright
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I absolutely thoroughly enjoyed this. It's a collection of criticism published in 1960, most of it from the thirties and forties. Only a single woman is included (Virginia Woolf) which is a major flaw, but overall, the essays are very readable and illustrate early to mid-twentieth-century perspectives on Victorian literature. The essay by Lord Cecil David is utterly delightful and a must-read.
View all my reviews
For whatever reason, the review of Screwtape letters is borked when I try to import it here, so here's the C&P of the text: This is very cleverly done; it's never laugh out loud funny, but it's witty and amusing. Lewis also makes some very shrewd observations about human nature. It's eminently quotable. I would be deeply surprised if this is not an inspiration for Good Omens.
2. We have the most wonderful friends. We started the claim for Emma's laptop with Asurion before we left, and the packing materials arrived while we were gone, so they shipped it for us with the results that Asurion already has her laptop and is working to fix it, greatly allaying my fears that she won't get it back in time to take it with her to college.
3. Fiona is doing great, my dad is doing great, I am not having any terrible side effects from my new meds, Josh has his first dose of the new med in him, no poopacalypse was had, hooray!
4. Oh, y'all. This trip was emotionally rough. We haven't seen Josh's parents in two years, and his mother has deteriorated a great deal. She just says the same thing over and over again, and it was relatively easy for us to listen to the same story over and over again because we are guests and we get to leave, but Josh's dad has 100% checked out. He does all the chores and he does all the cooking and he's not mean to her, but he's completely disengaged from her. It hurts Josh to not only see how much his mother has deteriorated mentally but how distant his father is. It also became clear to me that the real reason she's not traveling is not really because of her colitis (which is genuine; she was hospitalized for it after all) but because of her memory issues. She's aware enough of them to know that she has them and that she can't travel with them by herself, so she couldn't go see her sister in the hospital, for example, because she'd have to drive to Tennessee by herself. And she's also aware enough of them that I believe she is embarrassed so that she didn't want to expose them to my family which is why she didn't come to my parents' a couple weeks ago or to Emma's graduation. I don't think she'll ever travel again. I am resolved to do a better job calling her and sending her letters and cards and having the girls send her drawings and etc.
The visit was also rough for me because there's zero regard for my celiac, and it's really hard not to let it hurt my feelings; his mom doesn't hurt my feelings because she literally can't do any better, but his dad is a different story.
5.
executrix sends me the best books. I just finished a wonderful book of criticism she sent me.Victorian Literature by Austin WrightMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
I absolutely thoroughly enjoyed this. It's a collection of criticism published in 1960, most of it from the thirties and forties. Only a single woman is included (Virginia Woolf) which is a major flaw, but overall, the essays are very readable and illustrate early to mid-twentieth-century perspectives on Victorian literature. The essay by Lord Cecil David is utterly delightful and a must-read.
View all my reviews
For whatever reason, the review of Screwtape letters is borked when I try to import it here, so here's the C&P of the text: This is very cleverly done; it's never laugh out loud funny, but it's witty and amusing. Lewis also makes some very shrewd observations about human nature. It's eminently quotable. I would be deeply surprised if this is not an inspiration for Good Omens.
no subject
no subject
It just sucks being so far from both sets of parents and unable to be of real material help to them.
no subject
I'm glad that Emma's computer is getting fixed as we speak.
So pleased you're all doing well and there was no poopacalypse.
That's too bad about your m-i-l. Sounds like my aunt. It'll be nice for her to get calls and cards and drawings.
Ugh that your celiac isn't taken into account when you visit there. It's really not that difficult. It totally sucks, but if you visit again, maybe you can take some GF options and "offer" to cook some evenings just so there's something you can safely eat. I mean, even steak, veggie and potato is GF! *shakes head* It frustrates me when people don't take Pip's needs into account, and I'm now transferring that to you, lol!
no subject
But I am so so glad to be home. *hugs*
no subject
no subject
I appreciate the support. I will take as many people having my back as possible.
In retrospect that fight was very much precipitated by her memory issues which were much worse at the time than we realized; she was very adept at hiding them and they would only become really apparent in certain situations like these. It was also exacerbated by me being newlyish diagnosed and just way more stressed out about the whole thing and less comfortable with it than I am now.
If I didn't watch her every second when she was cooking (or cook it all myself), then she'd forget what I couldn't eat and put something with gluten in the dish, but hovering over her like that made her feel very defensive and micromanaged even though she couldn't be trusted to remember what I'd just told her. It was incredibly stressful. I skipped going home with Josh the next year as a consequence and then the pandemic took care of the next two years (no, that would just be 2020; IDK why I didn't see them in 2019; maybe I skipped that year, too IDK). Even though it was really upsetting at the time, I truly don't blame her anymore. She's literally losing her mind. Josh's dad is another story. He is capable of and should be doing better. But, as I told Josh, if he won't do better for his wife, he's sure as hell not going to do better for me. :(
no subject
<333
no subject
no subject
Me too.
It was definitely bittersweet.
no subject
It really sucks, but it is what it is, I guess. I loved that she visited here a couple weeks ago, and I am so, so glad I got to see her, even if she won't remember the visit at all.
It's so hard to be a caretaker - may his dad needs to set up some respite care and take a little time for himself.
no subject
Josh's mom hasn't forgotten who anyone is and recognizes anyone; she can also still remember some new information. But she repeats the same anecdotes and gets easily confused.
Josh's parents did not have a great relationship before her deterioration began happening so that's an added layer of stress to the whole thing.
What his dad needs is therapy but he will never consent to going to it. He is a very unhappy man which predates any of this mess and that unhappiness makes dealing with this situation about a thousand times worse than it would be for a happily married couple.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I agree 100% with tabaqui about respite care. It might also be possible to get an escort to drive your mom to see people she wants to see (however frustrating for both parties) and make sure she doesn't get lost and does get meals at reasonable times. I'm really surprised nobody has started a "Driving Miss Daisy" service that uses older peoples' own cars to get them from home to Point A and Point B.
no subject
That is a truly excellent idea. I'm going to get with Josh's sister and see if we can't figure out how to get her some regular visitors now that vaccination is a thing.
no subject
But I'm so sorry to hear about J's parents. I can't imagine how hard that must be, witnessing their decline.
no subject
*hugs*
As much as I hate my dad having cancer, I am so grateful that he and mom are mentally all together. I don't have to worry that they aren't taking proper care of themselves or that they don't understand doctor's orders or that they are confused.
no subject
It's great to have good friends. Hopefully, Emma will get her laptop soon!
I'm so glad Fiona is doing well, in fact, that your whole family is! That's great!
I'm so sorry the visit was rough on you. It's hard seeing a parent decline in front of you, I can't imagine how being away and coming back to that would be. So much more difficult because to you, it's sudden. I'm sure the letters and cards you send to her mean a lot, because she can read them over and over again and they'll always be new to her.
Has Josh's Dad thought of getting some sort of helper, as I have? They would help him with the chores and things and might give him some sort of rest once in a while.
Hope your tummy is okay!
no subject
I think a helper would be great, but I suspect Josh's dad would refuse one. He's is one of those prideful in a bad way kinda dudes. I have to admit that this trip has made me more sympathetic to him because day after day of his mom would be grating and wearing and I get that he's just ground down. But they had a pretty bad relationship before she deteriorated so much which colors my perception of his behavior now. *sigh* It's just doubly hard because we live so far away.
But yes. I am going to do much much better on the correspondence front and send way more cards and letters and pictures from the kids and drawings and the suchlike.
no subject
no subject
no subject
Despite the stress it was good to go. It means a lot to them to see the girls, and even though it really upsets him, it means a lot to Josh to see his parents.
no subject
I am a genius, so we came home to a delightfully clean house (always clean house before you leave!), and I slept on crisp clean sheets, and I did not get up to pee even one single time!!
That is, indeed, true genius!
no subject
Thank you.
Josh used to get so annoyed with me in the beginning of our relationship when I would insist on cleaning up the house before vacation, like doing it all--vacuuming and dishes and the works, but he has come around to my way of thinking. It's so nice to open the door after a time away and everything is pristine and it smells nice and it's all orderly.
no subject
*hugs*
no subject
Thank you!
It's hard, and it's doubly hard because we are far away. But I'm glad we went even if it was stressful.
no subject
no subject
Thank you.
no subject
Sorry about your MIL. We're beginning to see it with both my mother and MIL and it hurts a lot to watch them start to disappear.
no subject
It really, really sucks.
Neither of my parents are showing any cognitive decline, thank goodness.
I'm so sorry you're going through that, too.
no subject
no subject
I hope you get to see her soon.
no subject
no subject
It really, really is.