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Urination: A Rant
Do you know what separates humans from animals besides the opposable thumbs and insane credit card debt?
Manners, my friends. Manners.
I am sick and tired of going into a public restroom stall that looks like a hyena has been in there spraying her scent. I am tired of the fine misting of urine that coats every surface and the inch deep puddle of piss that pools around the base of the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy, ladies, sit on the freaking toilet to pee!
I don't care what urban legend your best friend told you in junior high--you cannot contract flesh-eating syphilitic gonnorhea from sitting on a public toilet seat. Unless you plan to scrub an open wound on the commode or clean it with your tongue, your body is pretty much an impenetrable fortress and safe from from the evil toilet germs.
I am tired of accidentally sitting in pee. I am tired of wiping up other people's pee. I am tired of stepping in pee and smelling pee. My vision of the ideal human condition does not involve hovering in a squat and releasing my bladder willynilly over a device which was designed To Be Sat Upon.
I have the opposable thumbs and the massive debt, and I sit on the toilet to pee instead of hosing down the stall for the next person. O. M. G. !!!!!!!!!
Manners, my friends. Manners.
I am sick and tired of going into a public restroom stall that looks like a hyena has been in there spraying her scent. I am tired of the fine misting of urine that coats every surface and the inch deep puddle of piss that pools around the base of the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy, ladies, sit on the freaking toilet to pee!
I don't care what urban legend your best friend told you in junior high--you cannot contract flesh-eating syphilitic gonnorhea from sitting on a public toilet seat. Unless you plan to scrub an open wound on the commode or clean it with your tongue, your body is pretty much an impenetrable fortress and safe from from the evil toilet germs.
I am tired of accidentally sitting in pee. I am tired of wiping up other people's pee. I am tired of stepping in pee and smelling pee. My vision of the ideal human condition does not involve hovering in a squat and releasing my bladder willynilly over a device which was designed To Be Sat Upon.
I have the opposable thumbs and the massive debt, and I sit on the toilet to pee instead of hosing down the stall for the next person. O. M. G. !!!!!!!!!
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If you must balance over the bowl, there are a lot of things you can do to mitigate the disaster. Like wiping up your own pee!!!!!!!!!!
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I work at a college, so the situation in the bathroom is often even worse than what you might find Britney Spears slogging through barefoot on the outskirts of Homa, LA.
Teenagers are the grossest people.
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The divinely given ability to accessorize? /Steel Magnolias
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Somewhere,
Man, I love that movie. I'd like to see the play; I think they're doing it in Macon this spring.
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We don't seem to have that problem down here. My biggest rant about the toilets at Cam's university is how FUCKING NARROW the cubicles are. The giant toilet-paper dispensers are always mounted in stupid, stupid places so that I have to sit down on the toilet before I can get the cubicle door shut.
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We have a stall in one of the buildings in which the giant toilet paper dispenser is so close to to the toilet, you kind of have to wedge your thigh between it and bowl just to sit down (or else sit sidesaddle WHICH IS AS RIDICULOUS FOR THE 21ST CENTURY WOMAN AS WAS FOR THE 19TH!).
You are very lucky that people don't pee like badgers with bladder infections all over the bathrooms where you are. I am envious.
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I mean who does that? And how? In a regularly frequented restroom, how does one go about crapping into the urinal? Is it the thrill of possible discovery? *flaily hands* IDK.
And absolute yes to the drunkness. At least drunk ladies actually do sit on the toilet because they just don't have the control to hover. LOL Drunk dudes turn into automated sprinkler systems.
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ETA: or more concisely, see above comment RE: drunkenness + competitiveness + juvenile sense of humour ;-)
Can you tell I have older brothers? And that I hung out with dudebros when I was a teenager?
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I just. Wow.
Somehow the fact that they're standing guard for the Urinal Dumper makes this even worse. LOL
I do not have older brothers. And while as a teenager, I kinda wished I did so he could bring his hot, older friends home to sex me up, now I am grateful. Thank you for helping me to put that childhood dream to rest.
:)
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It's written in the Bro Code: Thou shalt stand sentry for stupid pranks. Corollary: the stupider the prank is the more crucial that it shall be carried out in its entirety.
ETA: for evidence of this rule and its corollary see the entirety of Jackass.
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A list of "pranks" my brothers have played
- Farting in your sister's face (note: there are two boys and three girls in my family, so this was a mix-and-match prank)
- Filming themselves playing table tennis with my mother's guitar
- Flushing my baby sister's head down the toilet
- At a 21st, encouraged one of their (really, really drunk) friends to drink a cocktail that included curdled milk
-
MadeStill make constant poos-and-wees jokes. They're now *both* in their thirties, JSYK. One of them lists The Simpsons as the best show ever made- When my mother isn't around, make constant dick/pussy/fag jokes
Basically, my brothers are douchebags. I love them, but they are total douchebags. And I would never make friends with guys who act like them.
Re: A list of "pranks" my brothers have played
My brother has mostly grown up past that kind of stuff. I am still haunted by memories of his teenage self, but he mostly is not a gross idiot. Mostly.
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Times about a billion.
Can i link you?
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Get the word out!
We won't take it anymore!
LOL
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I guess we have our answer...
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YES!
I love it.
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You said it, sister!
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Ta da!
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