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Urination: A Rant
Do you know what separates humans from animals besides the opposable thumbs and insane credit card debt?
Manners, my friends. Manners.
I am sick and tired of going into a public restroom stall that looks like a hyena has been in there spraying her scent. I am tired of the fine misting of urine that coats every surface and the inch deep puddle of piss that pools around the base of the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy, ladies, sit on the freaking toilet to pee!
I don't care what urban legend your best friend told you in junior high--you cannot contract flesh-eating syphilitic gonnorhea from sitting on a public toilet seat. Unless you plan to scrub an open wound on the commode or clean it with your tongue, your body is pretty much an impenetrable fortress and safe from from the evil toilet germs.
I am tired of accidentally sitting in pee. I am tired of wiping up other people's pee. I am tired of stepping in pee and smelling pee. My vision of the ideal human condition does not involve hovering in a squat and releasing my bladder willynilly over a device which was designed To Be Sat Upon.
I have the opposable thumbs and the massive debt, and I sit on the toilet to pee instead of hosing down the stall for the next person. O. M. G. !!!!!!!!!
Manners, my friends. Manners.
I am sick and tired of going into a public restroom stall that looks like a hyena has been in there spraying her scent. I am tired of the fine misting of urine that coats every surface and the inch deep puddle of piss that pools around the base of the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy, ladies, sit on the freaking toilet to pee!
I don't care what urban legend your best friend told you in junior high--you cannot contract flesh-eating syphilitic gonnorhea from sitting on a public toilet seat. Unless you plan to scrub an open wound on the commode or clean it with your tongue, your body is pretty much an impenetrable fortress and safe from from the evil toilet germs.
I am tired of accidentally sitting in pee. I am tired of wiping up other people's pee. I am tired of stepping in pee and smelling pee. My vision of the ideal human condition does not involve hovering in a squat and releasing my bladder willynilly over a device which was designed To Be Sat Upon.
I have the opposable thumbs and the massive debt, and I sit on the toilet to pee instead of hosing down the stall for the next person. O. M. G. !!!!!!!!!
A list of "pranks" my brothers have played
- Farting in your sister's face (note: there are two boys and three girls in my family, so this was a mix-and-match prank)
- Filming themselves playing table tennis with my mother's guitar
- Flushing my baby sister's head down the toilet
- At a 21st, encouraged one of their (really, really drunk) friends to drink a cocktail that included curdled milk
-
MadeStill make constant poos-and-wees jokes. They're now *both* in their thirties, JSYK. One of them lists The Simpsons as the best show ever made- When my mother isn't around, make constant dick/pussy/fag jokes
Basically, my brothers are douchebags. I love them, but they are total douchebags. And I would never make friends with guys who act like them.
Re: A list of "pranks" my brothers have played
My brother has mostly grown up past that kind of stuff. I am still haunted by memories of his teenage self, but he mostly is not a gross idiot. Mostly.