scar tissue that I wish you saw

[lunabee34]

If everything I learned about life I learned from fanfic, this week I learned that what we all really want most in life is for the person who rips off our button down to not merely suppress nausea at the sight of our hideously disfigured bodies but to love the freaking shit out of those burns and knife wounds.

I have seen this trope in every fandom I have ever spent more than two seconds in--whether it's Xander Harris's daddy-broken back that Spike lovingly licks into coagulation or a more milder take on the theme such as a Rodney McKay who despairs of Laura Cadman seeing his unfit naked body as she wears it.

And just this week, I saw it again in warholhp's Incurable, a Harry/Draco non-magical AU HP fic in which Harry spent four years at St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys before transferring to Hogwarts. [Chapters are listed out of order; scroll down and find chapters 1-2 somewhere in the middle; all chapters are linked internally. However, there is one chapter towards the end where you get a "this journal has just been deleted" Frank message. I was all, "Nuh-no-nuh-no. I did not just read almost all of this fic and the writer DELETED HIR JOURNAL WHILE I WAS READING?! *wail* Never fear, my friends. The internal link is FUBAR; go back to mems, and you can click on the chapter just fine.]

In this story, Harry has multiple burns and knife wounds courtesy of Uncle Vernon (including the word freak carved into his chest) and a plethora of whip wounds on his back and buttocks from the corporal punishment meted out at St. Brutus's. Part of his romantic journey with Draco is allowing Draco to see and touch those parts of his physical body that Harry sees as irreparably damaged.

And here's why I love you, fandom, because rather than reading this trope as very obvious and anvilicious (I don't like my body, and I am using Harry and Draco to work through those issues), I see a lot of very interesting things going on here. Yes, there is a not insignificant part of this trope that is about the very real desire of all humans beings to be accepted and loved despite their physical flaws. But I also see that physical disfiguration as symbolic of internal darkness. The characters in these stories don't just hide their scars because they think they're ugly; they hide them because of what they represent--what they see as the consequences of a shameful event or their own propensity for violence perhaps, that dark passenger that rides shotgun with us all. And so when the beloved accepts--nay, even adores--that broken flesh, what s/heis really doing is accepting the inner demons, that darkness within. And that is ever so much more powerful than simply seeing beyond an imperfect body.

I think there's also a fair amount of fetishization of the damaged body in these fics--a nearly Rabelaisian revelry in the grotesque--and I find that fascinating.

So. *chinhands* What do y'all think of this trope? Is it as ubiquitous as it appears to me? Love? Hate?

Talk to me. :)

Sooper seekrit message to crazydiamondsue: YOU WILL LOOOOOOVE THIS.

Comments

[friendshipper.livejournal.com]

Interesting! The thought had actually never occurred to me that for some readers/writers it's exclusively an outward manifestation of psychic trauma (though now that I'm thinking about it, it makes perfect sense that it would be!) because for me, the way the kink works, it is definitely a body-image thing. Not really in a "I hate my body" sort of way, at least that's not how I would describe the way it feels, but I do have a (mild) physical disability, and a lot of scars, and putting that off onto characters in fic and then having them get love -- it hits my kinks so hard. It doesn't have to be specifically my disability (for one thing, mine is weird and rare), but stuff I can relate to on a very visceral level -- physical stuff: missing limbs/hands/feet, paraplegia, scars, cancer or other illness/permanent injury. Even when it's heavy-handed and probably quite full of disability!fail, it just gets me right in the id. I'm essentially pretty well-adjusted and content with who I am, but I think there is still this part of me (the little kid inside) that likes to be stroked and reminded that I'm still perfectly lovable despite physical imperfections, especially since that's not something that I get to see much in the canon of my fandoms.

But I'm not arguing with you! Actually I find this really fascinating because it's so clearly not a metaphor for me that the thought had not occurred to me that it is a metaphor for others. And clearly I am not trying to speak for everyone with a physical disability either; I'm sure some relate to it and some find it silly or offensive, and some perhaps relate to it on a whole different level than I do.

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

Even when it's heavy-handed and probably quite full of disability!fail, it just gets me right in the id.

I know exactly what you mean. There are certain tropes or narrative choices that a writer can make that just grab me and speak to me, and I will put up with a lot of what others might consider bad or problematic writing because I respond so strongly to that trope.

I think a lot of fiction PERIOD comes from that little kid place inside that wants to believe in all kinds of things--that our parents can approve of us or world peace is possibl or if the zombies do come maybe they won't snack on me. LOL I think that reading and writing fic from that perspective is pervasive. I don't think it's the only reason we read or write, and I often think it's combined with other motivations and interpretations, but yeah.

After I made this post, I started thinking about it a little more, and I realized that the only fandom I've written/read in where I see this trope happening in a different way is Die Hard. Much ado is often made about McClane's battle scarred body (*I* have made much ado about it LOL), but those scars are never anything he has to get over. Every now and again you will read a McClane that is tore up inside, but it's never over whether his lover is going to be grossed out by the bullet wound on his shoulder. It's never a question that even crosses John's mind. And if his partner notices the scars it's always in the context of, "You got this scar saving the world or saving me." There's a fair amount of the "all covered with sexy wounds and bruises" to the way this presents in DH as well.

Hacks or Better to Open

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Hey, in Firefly *everybody* has gotten so banged up that at the very least they have to be blase about scars.

Re: Hacks or Better to Open

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

*nods*

And now that I think about it, I can't remember a Firefly fic that has this particular trope. I can remember plenty about Mal or Jayne (or even Mal and Jayne!) that has them being blase about their scars ala John McClane though.