Meme

[lunabee34]

Do you believe in dislike at first sight? What about love at first sight?

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in attraction at first sight, and I definitely believe in dislike at first sight. I think some people instantly click with each other (both romantically and platonically), but I also think that instant click may not last the test of time. I have some longstanding friends that I instantly clicked with, but other people I felt that immediate and intense attraction towards have fallen out of my life. I don’t think that immediate attraction is enough to make a romantic or a friendship relationship last (although I do think that relationships that begin with that spark are super fun and often much more intense and visceral than those that take a lot of time to establish).

Talk about a non-life altering incident that happened a long time ago and still bothers you.

Oh, man. I remember every single thing I ever did that was even slightly wrong or inconvenient or whatever, and my brain frequently decides to pull each one out and examine it like a priceless jewel. I know when I begin ruminating about that dumb conversational mistake I made with a stranger at the mall at least eight years ago now that I am headed for a downward spiral.

Is there anything people assume you like but you actually hate or are at least completely indifferent to?

Romantic poetry. I just. I just can't. I just don't like it. I don't, I don't. I don't want to ever read an ode to a season or a rumination on the sublime. I like isolated poems, of course, but on the whole, I do not want to read Keats or Wordsworth or Blake or Byron.

If you have siblings, are you as close to them as you were when you were growing up?

No.

My brother and I are two and a half years apart and three school grades apart. We played together a lot when I lived at home; we had to. We had one neighbor a tenth of mile away with a daughter a year older than me, and she and I played together a lot, but that was it for company. If we didn't play with each other we played alone.

When I left home for college, he was starting his tenth grade year. I started being my true self, and my parents got really upset and angry, and I began what has been a more than twenty year conflict with them over social, political, and religious values. My brother stayed home, and he embraced all their values, so he became the Golden Child who could do no wrong. I'd be lying if I said that never caused me to resent him, but I am happy to say that as I have gotten older, I have been able to mostly not blame him for what is not his fault. My parents are responsible for how they have chosen to treat me, and he is not.

I would like to be closer to him, but I don't know how to go about it. We text on birthdays and holidays. I see him a couple of times a year at my parents. And that's it. He and his wife are not close to my parents either which totally boggles my mind; I mean, they live very near to each other, they've never had any conflict with my parents the way I have, and my parents have been extremely generous in helping them out financially (as they have to me as well), yet mom will sometimes let it slip that she talks to me more than she talks to them. I can tell it really hurts her feelings, but she won't admit it. So, IDK. I'm not sure how to make that relationship any closer, but I'm glad we at least have a friendly relationship, and I always enjoy seeing him and his family.

What is something you love the idea of doing but know in reality you would probably hate?

I used to want to be an astronaut so hard, and now the idea of going up into a vacuum in a tin can and spinning around endlessly fills me with inexpressible existential horror and nausea.

Comments

[timespirt]

My mother always told me, "when a man takes a wife that the wife favors her own family over his and a mother doesn't see her son much. More than likely he is dragged to be with her family most. Daughters tend to stay close to their mother in most cases. We didn't see much of my brother when he got married.

[lunabee34]

*nods*

That's what my mom always says, and my sister-in-law is very close with her mom (closer than most people are).

[lyr]

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils

And then Lyr smash! I have vanishingly little patience for a lot of that romantic drivel either. It just gets so insipid.

As for your brother, have you tried straight up telling him how you feel and that you'd like to be closer? It doesn't always work out, but it's always nice to hear anyway.

[lunabee34]

Ahahahahhahah. Yes. Insipid. Or pointlessly rhymey. I don't likes it.

You know, I have not just ever talked about it with him. I think the reason I don't is because I'm not sure if I would be more irritated if we talked about it and things didn't change than I am now.

[author_by_night]

. I don’t think that immediate attraction is enough to make a romantic or a friendship relationship last (although I do think that relationships that begin with that spark are super fun and often much more intense and visceral than those that take a lot of time to establish).

I agree. :) And even if they don't last, that doesn't take away from what the friendship or relationship was.

I'm not a huge fan of romantic poetry either. It drove me just a little nuts as an English Major in college. :) I took one class that was 90% poetry, and I loved the class itself - the instructor couldn't have been a better teacher if he tried. But I did not care about odes. I'm sure this will shock you, but I was more interested in the socio-political stuff that came up. I also would've loved to have talked about plotlines and character, but for the most part, my English courses never seemed as focused on that, with a few exceptions.

My parents are responsible for how they have chosen to treat me, and he is not.

That's such a good point, as hard as it may be.

[lunabee34]

It was a hard lesson to learn. I was so raw for a long time, and it was so hard not to be really angry with my brother. Maybe I was not as a successful as I think I was in masking some of that resentment 20 years ago and that's why we're not as close. IDK

[spikedluv]

I know you and I have already talked a bit about no. 2, but I shuddered when I read that question, lol! I do not even want to start thinking about those things because then I'll never stop!

I'm sadly not that close with any of my siblings even though both of my sisters live relatively close, within 20 min, and my brother only lives an hour away. We mainly see each other at family gatherings, or once in a while ask my brother and his long-time GF to go out to dinner with us when we're in the area. It's especially bothersome with my one sister because we were really close when we were younger and we spent a lot of time together before and after she had Ian. (She spends most of her time with her new hubby's family, which is funny considering I kind of agreed with the comment above about sons spending time with their wife's family and this is kind of backward. *g*)

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

I would never have guessed that lack of closeness from the posts you make about your family. It sucks to be that physically close to each other and not spend the kind of time you want with your sisters.

Have you ever done what lyr suggests upthread and just talked to Ian's mom about it?

[spikedluv]

It's weird. We do things as a family, but there's very little seeking-out of each other outside of that, which is sad.

I've thought about it, but never pulled the trigger. I think part of me is worried that it won't make a difference and then I'll feel even worse, lol!

[lunabee34]

*sad fistbump of solidarity*

That's exactly what I said upthread to lyr.

[amejisuto]

I'm sorry you're not as close to your family as you wish you could be. Sometimes it's the family you make that understands you better.

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

That is 100% true.

I think part of my problem is that I haven't had a best friend in RL space in almost ten years now. I think I might not feel that separation as keenly if I had a BFF. I have plenty of social outlet and support and people I consider friends, but I haven't had a BFF in a long time, and it's lonely.

[amejisuto]

I get that. I don't have that many RL friends, much less one I can call a best friend. That and no family, it does get lonely at times. That's why I'm so glad to have people in my life like you! <3

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Me too! I would go nuts without my fandom friends.

I'm so glad you came back to dreamwidth.

[amejisuto]

Aww! Thank you love! I'm glad I got the gumption to come back too! ~huggles~

[nyctanthes]

I'm not close to my brother either, for different reasons but it's a bummer. He's my only sibling, and sometimes it gets a little lonely with only sisters and brothers-in-law around. It's not the same.


I remember every single thing I ever did that was even slightly wrong or inconvenient or whatever, and my brain frequently decides to pull each one out and examine it like a priceless jewel.

Hee...I have a couple (or couple dozen) things I did in high school that I still torture myself about.

[lunabee34]

*Nods*

Fortunately, I do not dip back that far in my ruminations. *shudders*

I was bowled over when I realized that kind of replaying done events is OCD-adjacent.

[nyctanthes]

that kind of replaying done events is OCD-adjacent

Ah, that's interesting. Makes sense for me as in my immediate family there is diagnosed OCD and I would def. call myself adjacent to/bumping up against it.

I had a very nice, being careful etc. outside social interaction with a friend who I haven't seen since August and it was great, but then all sorts of 'oh noes did i do something wrong' thoughts popped up in the middle of the night and it was *not nice* to have those emerge. It feels so counterproductive to ruin a nice time with regrets. But also not so bad, all things considered, because at least I knew I was doing it.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

I did not go into a regret spiral after my outing, but I did feel uncomfortable enough in general that it surprised me.

[independence1776]

I'm not as close with my sister as I was when I was in high school and college. I miss it.

Oh, I hear you about ruminating about things. I wish I didn't. And your response above about it being OCD-related just made me sigh. I hate OCD.

[lunabee34]

I read this really insightful book about intrusive thoughts last year that really clarified a lot for me. I didn't realize that a lot of the thinking I engage in is a form of intrusive thoughts (like being super worried I made some kind of conversational mistake or endlessly running through scenarios that might happen in the future), and I didn't realize the OCD connection either. It really explained a lot to me about myself even though I realize reading a book doesn't take the place of any kind of formal diagnosis. I'm definitely not claiming I have OCD, but many of my behaviors and thoughts are adjacent to it for sure.

[independence1776]

I am entirely self-diagnosed, but I have too many of the symptoms that there's no question in my mind. I used to think it was OCD traits aka not full-blown OCD, but as time goes by, I realized it's not.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

That's kind of where I am.

I often think I would benefit from some kind of therapy, but it would also be a pain in the ass to pursue because we live rurally, and so I just never do.