Update Update

[lunabee34]

1. The MRI is clear as I expected. Whew!

Getting it was not as smooth sailing as the sequence of three I had last year. I had this one with contrast, and the contrast dye hurt really badly. I'm talking excruciating pain at the injection site that migrated up my bicep. They do a bunch of imaging (like 45 minutes worth), pop you out, inject the dye, and immediately pop you back in for another 10 minutes of imaging to finish the procedure. So I had to be utterly still and keep my eyes closed while my arm was killing me. I was certain I was going to open my eyes and see that it had swollen up like five times regular size, but no. It looked totally normal. I didn't even get an injection bruise. But my arm hurt like a motherfucker all night and still felt weird the next day. I hope to avoid contrast dye in the future.

2. The trigeminal neuralgia pain had gotten really bad since my last neuro visit and then suddenly in the last week dissipated. We've got a plan to treat the pain if it flares again, but right now, I'm just very happy the pain is minimal. I don't want to take the drugs that are typically used to treat it because they make me tired and dopey, so hurray!

3. Emma's lumbar puncture is on Tuesday. *crossing all the fingers for some useful info*

4. Tuesday is also my pre-op appointment at the hospital; they'll run labs (got to make sure I'm not seekritly pregnant ha!) and explain the surgery. Because...

5. I can't have a needle aspirate biopsy. That would be too easy and inexpensive, my friends. LOL I get to have a surgical biopsy where they remove the whole lymph node under general anesthesia! That's happening on Friday (not tomorrow but Friday week). Then it'll take a week to run the pathology, and then I'll have some answers. I like the surgeon, and he agreed with me that I've got risk factors (dad's lymphoma, my autoimmune disorders, some symptoms (but the symptoms also overlap with autoimmune symptoms and aren't necessarily indicative in my case)), and that we need to just pop the sucker out and see what's what.

6. I am anxious. I do not want to have cancer. Which seems to me to be a completely valid and understandable sentiment. But also lymphoma has really good survival rates and treatment options. So I am trying to remain optimistic while also feeling like I need to throw up constantly. Also not super excited about having surgery. I've never had genuine surgery; the closest thing is having tubes in my ears almost 40 years ago when that was considered a real surgery that required an overnight stay in the hospital or like having my wisdom teeth out. Not fun, but not surgery really.

You know what is helping? Y'all. :) I got an amazing box of books from executrix that I have already begun devouring. Be on the lookout for a review post. And I got a card from elfin with amazing stickers: journal jewelry! And I got an amazing package from misbegotten: fountains pens and ink to geek out with!

I have been shit at commenting on everyone's journal and replying to your comments to me, but I'm reading your journals and taking joy in what you're posting and in the lovely things you're all saying to me. Thank you thank you, friendos.

Comments

[trobadora]

*HUGS* Sending all the good vibes your way!

[lunabee34]

Thank you!!

*hugs*

[sheafrotherdon]

The not-knowing about the lymph node must be so hard. I feel like without an instruction manual, walking that line is almost impossible. So good for you for taking joy where you find it! And good luck next week.

Also boo on the dye. I've heard so many horror stories about that stuff!

[lunabee34]

Uncertainty sucks so hard (as I'm sure you well know as you wait to figure out what's going on with your GI tract). It makes me feel so helpless because there's nothing you do about what you don't know. And then planning for and thinking about the possibility of actually having cancer when I don't know that I do feels super dramatical and like counting my chickens before they're hatched. *sigh*

My mom had an allergic reaction to it. I don't think what I had was an allergic reaction because I didn't itch or swell or have any respiratory issue. It just hurt. For about five minutes, the pain was comparable to the worst pain of childbirth. Except in my arm. I was going to have an arm baby. LOL

[lyr]

*cuddles* I don't want you to have cancer, either. I hope the surgery goes smoothly and finds no cancer, but does offer useful answers that are not that. Good luck to Emma on her lumbar, too.

[lunabee34]

Thank you, sweetie.

I just hate waiting. I hates it, hates it. LOL

*hugs*

[tamsin]

Yay for having less pain! I'm sending all the good energy for your surgery!

[lunabee34]

Thank you. Much, much appreciated.

[gloss]

Damn, that reaction to the dye sounds really scary, especially the having to keep still part.

I'm glad your surgeon listens to you, just in general, and that you're on the same page.

[lunabee34]

It was not fun. My mom had an allergic reaction to it. I don't think what I had was an allergic reaction because I didn't itch or swell or have any respiratory issue. It just hurt. For about five minutes, the pain was comparable to the worst pain of childbirth. Except in my arm. I was going to have an arm baby. LOL

I liked the surgeon very much. He agreed with everything I said. :)

*hugs*

[minoanmiss]

You and your kids are all marvels and I am always rooting for you!

[lunabee34]

Awwwwww.

*hugs*

[author_by_night]

*Hugs*

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

[corvidology]

Yay about the MRI and the lessened pain! \o/

I hope the surgery goes really well and that of course the results are completely clear! ♥

[lunabee34]

Thank you!

I am so happy about the lessened pain. I was hurting really badly for about two weeks. And then one day I realized, "Hey, my face didn't hurt today! Hurray!"

*hugs*

[musesfool]

*hugs*

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

[kass]

Oh man this is a LOT of medical nonsense to deal with. Holding you in my heart and in my prayers for complete healing.

[lunabee34]

Thank you so much. Prayers very much appreciated, my friend.

[sallymn]

Sorry I haven't been commenting much, the last week or so trying to write an assignment I really had trouble with took so much of my poor little brain...

I am so sorry that you are going through this, all the pain (though I'm glad it's eased off!) and worry. That contact dye thing sounds terrifying, I would have totally freaked I think. You are being very brave.

I think I understand how you are feeling about the surgery - last year when I had my done done was the first time I'd had a serious hospital visit since the age of 10!!! - but it was much less traumatic than I expected, not pleasant but I do think it's true about fear and the unknown being part of what makes us so miserable. I hope it goes as well as possible (Sis had to have that mammogram 10 years ago, and her recovery was as good as can be hoped for, so I will send lots of karmic "like that! like that!" wishes to you if nexecessary.)

And best of wishes to Emma too.

{hugs}

[lunabee34]

No worries. Everybody's got so much stuff going on. I totally understand. *hugs*

I do not feel particularly brave at the moment. LOL

Thank you so much for the good wishes; I hope everything goes as well for me as it did for you and your sister. :)

[umadoshi]

That is all so much to be dealing with! *fierce hugs*

[lunabee34]

*clings*

<3

[sholio]

*hugs and sends good thoughts*

[lunabee34]

Thank you!

*hugs*

[princessofgeeks]

I HEART YOU.

My hair has been on fire but am trying to keep up. Glad you get some answers soon.

[lunabee34]

I heart you back.

<3

Josh has informed me that there are better ways to get attention. LOL

[princessofgeeks]

I love his sense of humor.

[independence1776]

*hugs*

I turned out to be allergic to the MRI contrast dye. I was in the changing room after and realized I had hives. I got sent home with the order to take benadryl.

I'm glad your TM pain is much lessened. I hope there's useful info for Emma and especially that you don't have cancer.

*more hugs*

[lunabee34]

Oh man. That sounds unpleasant.

My mom had an allergic reaction to it, too. I don't think what I had was an allergic reaction because I didn't itch or swell or have any respiratory issue. It just hurt. For about five minutes, the pain was comparable to the worst pain of childbirth. Except in my arm. I was going to have an arm baby. LOL

*hugs and hugs*

Thank you for the well wishes.

[archersangel]

i hope your surgery goes well & you get answers.

hope emma's lumbar puncture provides useful info.

[lunabee34]

Thank you so much.

*hugs*

[brithistorian]

Glad to hear the MRI went well, and I hope the other things go well as well. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

[lunabee34]

Thank you so much on both counts.

*hugs*

[brithistorian]

Glad to hear the MRI went well, and I hope the other things go well as well. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

[china_shop]

*hugs and huuuuuugs*

[lunabee34]

*hugs and hugs back*

<3

[torachan]

Fingers crossed for you!

[lunabee34]

Thank you!

*hugs*

[chelseagirl]

Oh, my goodness, you have a lot to deal with. *hugs*

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Josh has told me there are better ways to get attention. LOL

<3

[amejisuto]

I'm sorry you're arm hurts but I'm glad the MRI was clear. That's good. I'm glad you're flair has calmed down too! That had to be annoying on top of painful.

Good luck to Emma on Tuesday! I hope all goes well.

I'll keep you in my thoughts for your surgery as well. Take your time commenting. And take care of yourself. It's all good!

[lunabee34]

Thank you, sweetheart.

Your well wishes mean a lot.

*hugs and hugs and hugs*

[spikedluv]

Holy moly, this post is ~loaded!!

I'm glad the MRI was clear, but boo to the pain of the dye!

It's great that the trigeminal neuralgia pain has gone away. I hope it stays away, but am happy to hear you have a plan if it returns.

Good luck to Emma!

And to you for the surgery! *sending all the positive vibes for ZERO cancer*

Yay for a box of books and stickers and pens and ink!!! So much fun.

[lunabee34]

Thank you, thank you!

I am very pleased with all my presents. :) A nice spot of sunshine.

I'm just ready to get it all over with now if it'll hurry up and get here. LOL

[cathexys]

All the hugs and good thoughts!!!

[lunabee34]

Thank you!

*hugs*

[aphrodite_mine]

BIG HUG my dear

I don't have my shit together enough to actually make this happen, but consider this reply a placeholder for a drawing from E. It will happen someday!

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Thank you!

That is a lovely sentiment, my dear friend. <3 Placeholder cherished.