lunabee34

And a lot of this ties in with myself. I say that freely. I am a lot like Willow -- Sue and I have talked about this extensively -- and I see a lot of myself in her and I hate it. HATE. So it makes me far more down on a character I might have appreciated more, had the similarities not been so powerful. I also have more phsyical issues with Jared's overwhelming size -- that's an instant turn-off to me, on an instinctive level. Can't control it, unfortunately.

But for all of that, I don't think I've got his character pegged wrong. He's an idealist. But he's an idealist in the worst way because he can justify things on his own sense of personal goodness and trustworthiness, something that is neither as strong nor as prevalent as he thinks it is. It is there, yes. Sam's a good guy, despite my bashing him. But he's a kid, a baby when it comes to some of the harder, more complicated practicalities of life. Dean's already moved past those issues because he doesn't need to justify making the world a better place -- he either does, or he doesn't. Period.

Sam is willing to do something dark and potentially dangerous not just because it needs to be done and sometimes you make the choices that are given to you, but because he, personally, is doing it. And to him, that makes it okay. It wouldn't be okay if anybody else did it, because they aren't Sam, the Awesome (okay, not awesome, but to his mind, trustworthy?)

To me, this undercurrent is constantly around Sam, like scum I see out of the corner of my eye. It's not always present, but it never really goes all the way away, either. There's something off about him, whether it's his youth or the demon's taint... honestly, I vote more towards youth. He's lost a lot of things but I think in many ways, it was never personal. It was never truly humbling. Not yet, anyway. He's still certain of his limits and how easily he can break them. Until he loses that, I'm always going to see that layer of scum and it drives me mad, because I don't know how others don't see it.

And by others I mean the ones that go omgsammywammy. Not, like, normal people :)

Hi, I blather a lot at you!