a week begins

[lunabee34]

1. I made a flying trip to the funeral of my sister-in-law's mom this weekend. I left on Friday and came back on Sunday. It was good to see my parents though I wish the circumstances had been different. It was cold as hell the whole weekend, lows of twenties with highs in the forties, so dad had a wood fire going the whole time. I love my gas fireplace, but nothing beats a wood fire. It's the sound and the flicker.

Funny story: when I was texting mom and getting all the logistics set up, mom was saying we'd go back to SIL's after the funeral to eat, and she'd bring us food because nothing the church ladies had brought them would be gluten free and appropriate for us to eat. I said I wasn't going to eat there to be safe anyway. We keep texting, and a few texts later, it finally dawns on my mom why I said that. "Oh. I wasn't thinking about COVID." Well no shit. We have now articulated the fundamental difference between us. LOL

I wore an N95 the whole time, didn't even take it off at the graveside service, and wore it the whole time at my SIL's house and didn't eat anything there. I felt safe at mom and dad's because they just had COVID (lolsob) and at least for a time are not disease vectors.

The funeral was really nice, though. I think it is the very first Protestant funeral I've been to in which there was zero proselytizing.

I just feel so sorry for my SIL and her sister. Their mom was such a dear woman, so kind and sweet. My SIL is the same way. I don't know her sister as well, but I bet she is, too. They are going to really struggle with this loss given its sudden nature and how young she was. My heart just aches for them.

2. My parents have started to receive The Epoch Times, which wikipedia tells me is a right wing newspaper (I had gathered that on my own from reading the articles) that is the propaganda arm of a Chinese religious cult. *boggles* Okay. I do not know what to do with that. *backs away*

3. My brother gave them The Mandalorian for Christmas so we watched a couple of episodes of that from the middle of season 2, and not only was the show itself delightful, but watching my parents watch it was delightful. I don't think they care a whit for the plot. Their only concern is what is baby Yoda going to eat that he shouldn't. And then they giggle and giggle.

4. While I was driving and driving and driving, I listened to an NPR interview with John Mellencamp, and he said something that really intrigues me because I think it is simultaneously utterly true and utterly false. He said that people are ultimately unknowable and that each of us is isolated in our own bodies and in our own experience. The only person you can ever really truly know is yourself, he said. And I think that's true. I think there's always an element of faith to our relationships with other people. We can never read other people's minds, for example. Even so, I do believe that connection with others is possible in a way the truth of that statement would belie. I do believe I know my husband. I don't believe the human quest to connect with others is the empty and futile gesture that Mellencamp believes. Talk amongst yourselves.

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

I am so sad for your SIL. Glad you could be there and be safe.

I agree with you that connection between humans IS POSSIBLE.

Mellencamp apparently does not believe that we are all connected, part of an enormous web of relationship and caring.

HUGS

[lunabee34]

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

*hugs*

[goss]

I wore an N95 the whole time

That's a really good idea. I have got to get some of those!

Your parents discovered Baby Yoda! Hee. *delights*

[lunabee34]

They were really cute about it. It cracked me up.

[elfin]

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.

We have some friends who practice Falun Gong, and YIKES. It's weird shit.

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Thankfully my parents are not interested in the cult part of it; I'm not even sure they realize the paper is published by a cult. I'm sure whoever told them to buy it framed Falun Gong as an anti-Communist group rather than a wacko-cult. LOL

[tamoline]

Hugs and best wishes for you and your family.

As regards 4) - Heh. On the one hand, I do very much get the sentiment. When I was teen, everyone else was a mystery (not helped by the way that the person who spoke with other people felt like a different self to the one who was conscious) and I put considerable effort into trying to figure myself out. On the other... Well, I met Louisa, someone who I just kind of get on a gut level, whose emotional state I'm *very* attuned to, to the point where if one of us is irritable, sometimes we just have to take a quick break lest our moods bounce off each other and amplify. Plus, I'm intimately aware of how, sometimes, I just don't know myself that well at all - sometimes I don't know what I'm feeling, even if other people can tell. (And, from a computing point of view, there's the Halting State problem.)

So, I guess from my perspective, although you've probably got the closest view of your own story - and certainly there are many things you get to be the authority on - sometimes you're a bit too close to the action to see what's actually going on. So I guess it depends on what you mean by 'truly know'.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

And I should have said that Mellencamp also said in that interview that maybe you can't even really know yourself.

I think I'm pretty self aware and know myself pretty well (even when I'm trying to hide things from myself or ignore aspects of myself LOL), but I can surprise myself, too.

And I think that it's impossible to predict how we're going to react to every single life situation even with having a good amount of self awareness.

[gloss]

Oof, yes, The Epoch Times is bad news, and has made a lot of inroads among right-wing non-Chinese Americans, that's for sure. Here's a good NYT piece about it.

I think in my darker, sadder moments, my biggest fear is that Mellencamp is right. It can certainly feel difficult, if not impossible and frustrating and scary, to know others! But even if we don't know or feel it, we *are* all connected and interdependent, and that fact's not going to change, so why not try our hardest to come to understand it?

[lunabee34]

*bookmarks for later*

I have reached my limit on articles. LOL

We are all connected and interdependent. For a certain kind of person, rejecting that is a way of rejecting our responsibility to each other, and that's callous and dangerous and evil. I do believe in community.

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

[thistleingrey]

4. I feel pretty cynical most days, but the small space that makes Mellencamp's remark trueish for me is allowing the possibility that someone I know quite well will yet think/do/wish for something really surprising, and adapting what I think I know.

[lunabee34]

*nods*

He talked about how he always thinks he knows people and they always surprise him; for him, this seems to be always negative and in the context of betrayal or relationships destructing.

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

[amejisuto]

I'm sorry you went to a funeral, but I'm glad you saw your parents.

The Epoch Times is really weird, they advertise sometimes on YouTube. Seems sketchy to me.

Am I the only one who thinks Baby Yoda looks a little bit like Kermit the Frog? Just a little?

I think it depends on the person if you can really get to know them. Like, for instance, you may think you know an extrovert but they hide a lot of stuff behind that facade so you don't know them at all. But that's just what I think, your mileage may vary.

[lunabee34]

I don't watch a lot of Youtube, so I didn't know they advertised there.

He does look a bit like Kermit! They're long lost cousins. LOL

Yeah, I think people always have depths to them that they aren't advertising to the world.

[minoanmiss]

I'm a little surprised to see a poet -- a fairly good poet even -- such as Mellencamp say such a thing -- aren't poetry and music some of those attempts we make at reaching across the divide to each other?

I don't think we can ever fully know someone, even ourselves, because we change. But that's what makes those moments of connection all the more special.

*hugs you across the Internet*
*sends comfort to your SIL and her sister*

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Thank you.

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

[minoanmiss]

Oh, that could explain it. He's reached out and been repeatedly burned. I feel bad for him too.

[lunabee34]

*nods*

I get that. After I had a truly titanic friend implosion about fifteen years ago, my ability to trust people was seriously eroded. It's really hard to open back up again.

[minoanmiss]

Yeah, I have had a couple of those too.

hugs you some more

[lunabee34]

*clings*

[corvidology]

I think I would disagree with Mellencamp in that I don't think it's really possible to even know yourself totally. I still do things/think things that surprise me, let alone what other people are doing/thinking.

[lunabee34]

I should have said that he mentioned that, that you probably can't even really know yourself.

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

[umadoshi]

a few texts later, it finally dawns on my mom why I said that. "Oh. I wasn't thinking about COVID." Well no shit.

*facepalm*

a right wing newspaper (I had gathered that on my own from reading the articles) that is the propaganda arm of a Chinese religious cult. *boggles*

...well, that's not terrifying at all. O_O

*hugs*

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

Oh, it's nothing new in that their house is full of various right wing propaganda. It's just the newest selection. *sigh*

[kass]

I'm glad you wore an N95 and kept yourself safe. And oh dear re: the Epoch Times.

In more important news, I'm with you. Yes, of course we're separate, and also, Mellencamp is wrong. We can really know each other. I truly believe that.

[lunabee34]

I came away from that interview feeling really sad for him. I think he's had a series of bad relationships, both romantic and platonic, that have left him bitter and cynical. He hasn't retreated from people; he still has friends and still interacts with people, but I think this framing is a way of protecting his heart.

[timespirt]

My neighbor gets The Epoch Times. She is very Republican.

[lunabee34]

That tracks.

[nyctanthes]

Talk amongst yourselves.

I believe you can know someone really, really well - to the extent that you know what they're thinking much of the time (Partner D, my parents for example). BUT, since I can't experience the feelings that go with their thoughts, that does - mercifully - mean there's a limit to how well I can know them.

Does that make sense? Thinking of people who *can* read minds in fiction (e.g., Buffy in that episode from S2 or 3), wasn't it the emotions that really threw her for a loop?

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

It would be overwhelming to truly know other people; I guess that would mean you'd have no line of demarcation between yourself and them. And as much as I have wished to be able to read people's minds at times, I suspect that it would just hurt my feelings more than anything else to privy to be people's thoughts.

[china_shop]

My parents have started to receive The Epoch Times, which wikipedia tells me is a right wing newspaper (I had gathered that on my own from reading the articles) that is the propaganda arm of a Chinese religious cult. *boggles*

*is boggling with you*

He said that people are ultimately unknowable and that each of us is isolated in our own bodies and in our own experience. The only person you can ever really truly know is yourself, he said.

Idk, I don't think I know myself that much better than I know other people! Maybe I'm just not paying attention. :-)

[lunabee34]

Heeee. I should have said that he also said in the interview that maybe it's not possible to know yourself either.

[ariadne83]

Hmm. I think I agree with him that you can't know another person 100% but I also don't see that as a negative. It can be healthy to keep parts of yourself private even in a long term relationship, and I like the idea that even after decades Cam and I are still discovering things about each other.

[lunabee34]

That's really a very good point. You get the comfort of familiarity but also the novelty of discovery. And we all need something that's entirely our own and inviolate.

[ariadne83]

Hmm. I think I agree with him that you can't know another person 100% but I also don't see that as a negative. It can be healthy to keep parts of yourself private even in a long term relationship, and I like the idea that even after decades Cam and I are still discovering things about each other.

Cam was diagnosed with ADHD about three years ago, and since then his self esteem has grown immensely. I wouldn't say he's changed, more that he's finally blossoming into his true self without so much self hatred. It's beautiful.

[lunabee34]

That is so wonderful to hear about Cam's self-esteem. It is so astonishing how life changing a diagnosis can be, getting the right treatment and getting that validation from an external source about what is going on with you. I'm so glad for him and for your family.

[spikedluv]

I'm glad you made it there and back safely! And that you got to see your parents. How awful for your sil and her sister, though.

I love imagining your parents giggling at baby!Yoda! *g*

[lunabee34]

It was good to see everyone despite the circumstances.

They were just so funny about that show. What's he going to eat this episode? Look, Fred? He's got that cookie? He's gonna just take it? And then they'd die laughing. It was ridiculous.