SPN fic; The Things They Carried; Gen
Mar. 31st, 2007 01:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
This is a series of six drabbles from the perspectives of Ellen, Jo, Bobby, John, Dean and Sam. The fic was inspired by Tim O'Brien's novel of the same name.
The Things They Carried
1 Ellen
Ellen has a scar on her belly, twenty years old and from before doctors made the tiny incisions they do now, before they secreted them away in the dark of a mother’s pubic hair. The scar runs up her middle like a zipper, a toothed line dividing her life into Before and After. Sometimes when Jo stares her down with eyes so like Bill’s, when she worries that damn knife like a rosary, Ellen rests her hand over the scar, needing that tangible reminder that her daughter is fashioned of the same blood and bone and gut that she is.
2 Jo
The knife is hers and not because he’s dead, but because he gave it to her. They sat on the porch and he showed her the right way to sharpen it, dragging it over the whetstone again and again until she could shave the fine hairs from her arm with its edge. Mom watched from the window, mouth drawn down, and later Jo would hear them fighting about the hunt and Dad’s need to draw her in. “You don’t understand, Ellen,” he said. “It’s not about teaching her to hunt; it’s about giving her something to hold when I’m gone.”
3 Bobby
Bobby keeps a bullet in the corner of his wallet. A doctor dug it out of him in the early eighties, just when Bobby was starting to hunt. He’d gone to Merle’s to gas up his Jeep and fill some cans for the lawn mower and the bush hog. He wasn’t packing and a pimple-faced druggie shot Merle dead and Bobby in the shoulder before yanking the till. Bobby’s seen real evil, the kind that smells of sulfur and comes backlit with hellfire, but the bullet reminds him that the most fucked up thing he’ll ever face is another person.
4 John
John holds the edge of the package while Dean tears the paper away. This is Dean’s last Christmas before he’s a Big Brother and they may have gone overboard with the holiday cheer, but John really doesn’t care. “Let’s see what Mommy gave me, little man,” he says. Inside is a brown journal, smelling of leather and the sharp bite of untouched paper.
“I thought maybe you could write down your war stories for Dean and the baby. A legacy for when they’re older,” Mary says.
Later, when John begins to write, he records a very different sort of war.
5 Dean
Like the Impala and most of Dean’s weapons, the jacket was first his dad’s. He remembers Dad wearing it, the collar turned up like he was too cool to live. He saw the way women watched his dad when he wore it, even if Dad never seemed to notice—the way they’d touch their hair and run their thumbs along the edges of their lipstick, the way they’d lean into him with their hips and with their breasts. When Dad first gave it to him, the jacket was too big, but Dean’s grown since, into its shape and its promise.
6 Sam
All Sam’s possessions are brand spanking new—underwear, hair brush, books. He has nothing that belonged to Jess, nothing that belonged to his four years at Stanford. He no longer even has those few things he saved of his family— photos of him with Dean, Dad’s postcards. He has the clothes he escaped with and that’s all. So once they’re on the road, he’s shocked to find bits of himself everywhere—his old sunglasses wedged in the glove box, his shotgun in the trunk, a note in Dean’s wallet that reads, Back from the library in twenty. Don’t wait up.
The Things They Carried
1 Ellen
Ellen has a scar on her belly, twenty years old and from before doctors made the tiny incisions they do now, before they secreted them away in the dark of a mother’s pubic hair. The scar runs up her middle like a zipper, a toothed line dividing her life into Before and After. Sometimes when Jo stares her down with eyes so like Bill’s, when she worries that damn knife like a rosary, Ellen rests her hand over the scar, needing that tangible reminder that her daughter is fashioned of the same blood and bone and gut that she is.
2 Jo
The knife is hers and not because he’s dead, but because he gave it to her. They sat on the porch and he showed her the right way to sharpen it, dragging it over the whetstone again and again until she could shave the fine hairs from her arm with its edge. Mom watched from the window, mouth drawn down, and later Jo would hear them fighting about the hunt and Dad’s need to draw her in. “You don’t understand, Ellen,” he said. “It’s not about teaching her to hunt; it’s about giving her something to hold when I’m gone.”
3 Bobby
Bobby keeps a bullet in the corner of his wallet. A doctor dug it out of him in the early eighties, just when Bobby was starting to hunt. He’d gone to Merle’s to gas up his Jeep and fill some cans for the lawn mower and the bush hog. He wasn’t packing and a pimple-faced druggie shot Merle dead and Bobby in the shoulder before yanking the till. Bobby’s seen real evil, the kind that smells of sulfur and comes backlit with hellfire, but the bullet reminds him that the most fucked up thing he’ll ever face is another person.
4 John
John holds the edge of the package while Dean tears the paper away. This is Dean’s last Christmas before he’s a Big Brother and they may have gone overboard with the holiday cheer, but John really doesn’t care. “Let’s see what Mommy gave me, little man,” he says. Inside is a brown journal, smelling of leather and the sharp bite of untouched paper.
“I thought maybe you could write down your war stories for Dean and the baby. A legacy for when they’re older,” Mary says.
Later, when John begins to write, he records a very different sort of war.
5 Dean
Like the Impala and most of Dean’s weapons, the jacket was first his dad’s. He remembers Dad wearing it, the collar turned up like he was too cool to live. He saw the way women watched his dad when he wore it, even if Dad never seemed to notice—the way they’d touch their hair and run their thumbs along the edges of their lipstick, the way they’d lean into him with their hips and with their breasts. When Dad first gave it to him, the jacket was too big, but Dean’s grown since, into its shape and its promise.
6 Sam
All Sam’s possessions are brand spanking new—underwear, hair brush, books. He has nothing that belonged to Jess, nothing that belonged to his four years at Stanford. He no longer even has those few things he saved of his family— photos of him with Dean, Dad’s postcards. He has the clothes he escaped with and that’s all. So once they’re on the road, he’s shocked to find bits of himself everywhere—his old sunglasses wedged in the glove box, his shotgun in the trunk, a note in Dean’s wallet that reads, Back from the library in twenty. Don’t wait up.
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Date: 2007-03-31 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-31 08:26 pm (UTC)Good stuff!
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:20 am (UTC)*twirls you*
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Date: 2007-03-31 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 04:24 am (UTC)Bobby seems so grounded to me, the commensensical one, and I wanted his to reflect that value. I'm glad this worked for you. :)
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Date: 2007-03-31 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 04:25 am (UTC)I had a lot of fun with Sam's. When I started thinking about what he might be carrying that means something to him I realized that everything he owned was destroyed. So I thought of him at first in terms of lack. Then I realized how
gut-punchyinteresting would it be if Dean had all this stuff laying around that Sam left behind when he hightailed it to Stanford.Thank you again.
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Date: 2007-04-01 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 04:26 am (UTC)*smooch*
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Date: 2007-04-01 01:42 am (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:26 am (UTC)*big grin*
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:54 am (UTC)I ♥ you.
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:59 am (UTC)*squishes you to death*
You are such a sweetheart and making me blush and *hugs you again for good measure*
Isn't that novel so amazing? I absolutely adore it.
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Date: 2007-04-01 05:53 am (UTC)I had a lot of fun imagining where John got his journal.
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Date: 2007-04-01 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:55 am (UTC)I really appreciate the thoughtful feedback.
*big grin*
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Date: 2007-04-01 07:25 am (UTC)Also:
that her daughter is fashioned of the same blood and bone and gut that she is.
and
but Dean’s grown since, into its shape and its promise.
are wonderful, wonderful lines. That Dean is like his father but is not actually his father, that he is his own man, can also live according to himself. Guh. Lovely. Great work thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:32 pm (UTC)Ellen's is probably my favorite; as a mom myself, I know how painful it is to watch your child become someone separate and whole onto herself when once she was such an indivisible part of you.
And I'm really pleased that you picked up on that detail about Dean from the drabble. I think that John has shaped Dean, but like you say, he's ultimately his own man.
Thanks for such lovely feedback.
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Date: 2007-04-01 09:19 am (UTC)I particularly liked the one of Bobby for its underlying theme, which has been written into a couple of fictions. I also liked John's part, which after I read it there's no words but "oh John..."
As for Sam, it was as much about Dean as it was for Sam. And the note in italics? Tear jerk perfection.
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Date: 2007-04-01 04:33 pm (UTC)As for Sam, it was as much about Dean as it was for Sam.
*nods* Absolutely. It's always hard for me to separate the two of them when I write. LOL
Thanks again. :)
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Date: 2007-04-02 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 05:47 am (UTC)*big grin*
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Date: 2007-04-03 12:18 am (UTC)Favorite lines:
The scar runs up her middle like a zipper, a toothed line dividing her life into Before and After.
Great description!
Sometimes when Jo stares her down with eyes so like Bill’s, when she worries that damn knife like a rosary, Ellen rests her hand over the scar, needing that tangible reminder that her daughter is fashioned of the same blood and bone and gut that she is.
Love, love, love this.
“You don’t understand, Ellen,” he said. “It’s not about teaching her to hunt; it’s about giving her something to hold when I’m gone.”
Ooh, that’s good.
“I thought maybe you could write down your war stories for Dean and the baby. A legacy for when they’re older,” Mary says.
Later, when John begins to write, he records a very different sort of war.
This just hurts.
I really like the idea that the journal was originally from Mary.
So once they’re on the road, he’s shocked to find bits of himself everywhere—his old sunglasses wedged in the glove box, his shotgun in the trunk, a note in Dean’s wallet that reads, Back from the library in twenty. Don’t wait up.
It’s so appropriate that pieces of Sam would be in the car, and that Dean would keep that note.
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Date: 2007-04-03 12:23 am (UTC)I'm a mom, too, and Ellen's is also my favorite. :)
I really like the notion of defining Sam by lack and then having him realize that whatever is absent, Dean is taking up the slack.
So glad you enjoyed this. :)
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Date: 2007-04-03 04:50 am (UTC)Favorite bits from each:
Ellen's -- needing that tangible reminder that her daughter is fashioned of the same blood and bone and gut that she is.
Jo's--“It’s not about teaching her to hunt; it’s about giving her something to hold when I’m gone.”
Bobby's--the bullet reminds him that the most fucked up thing he’ll ever face is another person.
John--Later, when John begins to write, he records a very different sort of war. (*flails a bit*)
Dean's--Dean’s grown since, into its shape and its promise. (I really love the turn of phrase there and I think it was John's jacket too)
Sam--he’s shocked to find bits of himself everywhere (That's so poignant, how Dean has kept little traces of Sam around. Oh, boys.)
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Date: 2007-04-03 02:30 pm (UTC)I really like the idea that Dean's jacket used to be his dad's. The first time I watched "Something Wicked" I thought that the jacket John's wearing in the flashback *was* Dean's jacket, but alas, I have rewatched many, many times and it is not. John does, however, have the collar turned up like Dean does with his jacket, so I think it's safe to say that Dean's imitating John with that.
Thanks again.
:)
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Date: 2007-04-03 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-03 02:47 pm (UTC)The last is my favorite though, because yes, Sam has nothing left, he thinks, but then he learns that Dean's had pieces of him all along.
*big grin*
Thanks again.
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Date: 2007-04-03 08:37 pm (UTC)And the last Christmas before Dean's a big brother is a GREAT concept! *loves*
Fabulous fic, thank you! :D
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Date: 2007-04-04 12:15 am (UTC)Thank you so much. *blushes* That's pretty much all I could want for anyone to say about that piece.
*twirls you around*
You've made my day.
:)
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Date: 2007-04-08 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-09 12:41 am (UTC):)
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Date: 2007-04-28 02:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-28 10:07 pm (UTC):)
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Date: 2007-08-20 01:27 pm (UTC)but, oh, God. Sam's made me choke up in a totally unexpected way: there are hundreds of Sam-leaves-for-Standford stories, you know? and even though this drabble was about the comfort and surprise Sam feels finding his old things, the image of Dean grieving, quietly hoarding Sam's things after Sam is gone, probably trying to keep it secret from John, tucking that note into his wallet and keeping it for four years... oh, man that cuts deep. Just gorgeous.
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Date: 2007-08-20 03:33 pm (UTC)Thanks again.
:)
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Date: 2008-01-24 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-24 04:37 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you liked this. Thanks for letting me know.
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Date: 2010-01-27 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 03:07 am (UTC)Here via Remix. Loved this, particularly Ellen & Jo.
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Date: 2010-05-24 03:19 am (UTC)I have mad love for both those characters, so I'm really pleased those drabbles resonated with you. :)
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Date: 2010-06-04 01:48 am (UTC)I love The Things They Carried more than words can say, and you did a wonderful job of capturing it in Supernatural.
This was really lovely.
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Date: 2010-06-05 12:31 am (UTC)What lovely, lovely feedback.
*glee*