lunabee34 | Entries tagged with elder care

1. The move began today. Our friend Peter, a former colleague, has a trailer and is helping Josh move Tom. They just arrived at the TN apartment an hour ago. It doesn't feel real yet, but it will.

2. I think I mentioned that I had my antibodies checked and that I had gotten those lab results in; they are normal, so I'm not being accidentally glutened, yay! I also had a bone density scan, and today I found out I've got normal bone density, so no osteopenia/porosis.

3. Steddie rec:

Good Ol' Fashioned Sexuality Crisis during the Apocalypse by words_reign_here
Stranger Things
Steve/Eddie + canon pairings
OMG so wonderful. Stories like this are my catnip.

4. Your latest trivia re: Strangers Things fanfic:

I'm at page 68 of fanfic sorted by kudos, and I've only encountered three reader fics (which completely surprises me; I thought they'd be more prevalent).

Almost every fic on these 68 pages is Steve/Eddie. There's some Steve/Billy, some Mike/Will, some Nancy/Robin, and a fair amount of gen, but it's 85% Steve/Eddie, which really truly surprises me. Not complaining; just surprised.

Lots of Eddie is a vampire fic.

5. Plot Bunny:

There's a fair amount of Eddie is a ghost fic, but I would love to see a story modeled on that old YA book, The Ghosts of Departure Point, where both Eddie and Steve are ghosts. I keep being tempted to write it, but I'm not going to. I'd have to watch the series again because at this point I have no idea what's ubiquitous fanon and what actually happened in the show. LOL

1. I am still reading an ungodly amount of Stranger Things fic, and y'all it's so funny reading through the fandom sorted by kudos. I'm on page 23 now, and it's killing me how many of the writers for this fandom are clearly British. It's all boot and mum and maths. Like an overwhelming preponderance that is frankly bizarre by numbers. Also, the punctuation of dialogue is a crime against humanity. So much

"I am very metal." Said Eddie. "Why yes you are metal, my doe-eyed sweetheart." Replied Steve.

And this atrocious punctuation occurs in otherwise excellent stories--good, plotty, angsty, wonderful stories. I have learned to just let my eyes slide right over it and quell the urge to grab a red pen.

Everyone has doe eyes. So many pet names. LOL

2. Josh's dad has found an apartment. He's moving in on February 15. It doesn't feel real. There's still a lot to do to get him there.

3.

Chronically Magickal: Navigating Chronic Illness with Witchcraft by Danielle Dionne

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This contains a lot of practical, hands-on information about what witchcraft actually looks like. Reading books that are more about the history or the cultural context didn't give me a good idea of what practicing witchcraft on a daily basis would actually look like, but this book is very helpful for envisioning that.

View all my reviews

4. ETA: I talked to my parents earlier this week for the first time since Christmas; I called because it was my mom's birthday. It was awkward and stilted. I keep mourning that relationship, which makes me feel stupid, because I KNEW they were like this and thought those things, but hearing it said blatantly out loud made it different for some reason. Dylan called them for the first time this week as well and said they were very careful when talking with them like they realized they had to be.

1. Good news re: Josh's parents--

The estate sale went well, and we made a couple grand.

Josh's dad remembered that they have a $1300 credit at their dentist. I'm not exactly sure how this credit was accrued, but it has something to do with his parents having dental insurance but still paying full price for procedures (which, WTF?). So, he called the dentist, and they're sending him a check for the credit.

One of the people at the estate sale offered to buy the house immediately with cash. The offer was our minimum acceptable price, so the realtor is still going to put the house on the market because he thinks we can get more, but it's nice to have this fall back. We'd already had interest in buying the house from the plumber who came to work on the house over the summer and from Tom's doctor, weirdly enough. So I think the house is going to sell and soon.

2.

How to Dress a Fish by Abigail Chabitnoy

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This poetry collection is about Chabitnoy attempting to come to terms with the time her great-grandfather spent in a residential school for native children and also her identity as a person with both indigenous and white roots.

I particularly like that the poems span a range of styles, including snippets from government documents and translations of primary texts.

3.

Jane's Fame: How Jane Austen Conquered the World by Claire Harman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I think it's fascinating how little we truly know about Austen's life and how so much of her image has been fashioned by other people.

Good reading for a Janeite.

View all my reviews

View all my reviews

1. Josh has spent the past two weekends traveling back to Jackson to engage a realtor and a company that does estate sales. This most recent weekend was devoted to making sure he'd gotten absolutely everything out of the house the family wants. The sale should start this Wednesday, and then the house goes on the market.

We don't expect to make any money out of this; part of the estate sale service is that the company clears out and cleans out the house, so this means that Josh never has to go back there again and that we don't have to deal with anything in that house ever again.

The realtor feels pretty confident the house will sell, so it could happen as quickly as December, but I think the spring semester is more realistic. It's always been my goal to have him to TN by the end of the spring semester, so any time sooner than that is a win.

2. Halloween: Fiona wore a replica of Scarlett's dress from the barbecue scene and had her hair up in ribbons. It was perfect weather, didn't even need a jacket, and much candy was obtained.

3. After I asked you all for self-care recs, one of the things I did was buy some incense. And, y'all, it is glorious. Like OMG. It smells expensive, it is packaged beautifully--can't rec enough: Optatum Cedarwood and Hinoki.

4.

Second Reading: Notable and Neglected Books Revisited by Jonathan Yardley

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I haven't read most of the books that Yardley reviews in this collection, but seeing where our opinions diverge and coincide on books I have read is interesting. And reading this book has made my to-read list a bit longer. :)

View all my reviews

5.

Love-Acre: An Idyl in Two Worlds (Classic Reprint)

Love-Acre: An Idyl in Two Worlds by H. Havelock Ellis

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Goodreads incorrectly attributes this book to Havelock Ellis when it was actually written by his wife, Edith Ellis.

It is an incredibly mystical and allegorical book that follows the short life of a young man who is in touch with the supernatural and maligned and misunderstood as a result.

I have to admit that I have a hard time understanding just what Ellis intends to convey through Tobias's story. The condemnation of Christian hypocrisy is clear to me as is the condemnation of small-town politics and small-mindedness. But what she intends to say through his commune with fairies or his mystical communications with blades of grass, I'm much less sure about.

The novel reminds me a lot of Kingsley's The Water-Babies, not for messaging, but for sheer weirdness of content.

View all my reviews

I read this book for the VPFA's Third Sex Reading Group. I have to say that I do not understand how this fits into theme of the reading group--there's no queer content that I can discern. I'll report back after our meeting.

1. We got Margaret settled into the assisted living facility on Monday, and she's done so well. By the end of that first day, she already had a gaggle of friends she was hanging out with, and they have activities all day long. She's so busy, we all have trouble catching her on the phone.

I think all of us had been waiting on tenterhooks and scared that she'd react poorly, but thankfully she didn't.

One down, one to go!

2. I don't know if y'all remember a few years ago when we hit a bear on the highway and totaled our car. Last week, Fiona and I were driving down the highway, and we saw a little bear cub frolicking on the side of the road at the exact spot where we had the accident. It freaked me out because where baby is, mama is not far behind. But we escaped unscathed this time.

3. I didn't post any real details about this book in the review, but I'd love to discuss this book!

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is absolutely masterful. I love a good Neo-Victorian, and this is the best one I've read maybe ever. The writing is beautiful, the focus on all the details that ground a reader in the 19th century (slang, dress, the grime) is amazing, and the sense of place (London, the asylum, the countryside forty miles from London) are all exquisitely drawn.

I love how twisty and turny this novel is. I don't want to say too much about the plot for fear of ruining it, but there's such an excellent payoff in the third act.

Highly, highly recommended.

View all my reviews

4. I'd love to discuss this one with anyone who's read it, too.

McTeague: A Story Of San Francisco by Frank Norris

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a book in which deeply unpleasant things happen to deeply unpleasant people. The characters (and the narrative itself) are racist and sexist; child abuse goes unremarked and treated as a matter of course. Domestic violence, alcohol abuse, and murder feature prominently.

And, yet, Norris is a compelling writer. His descriptions of San Francisco and later of the desert are vividly written. His portrait of an unorthodox romance between two elderly characters is an oasis of sweetness amidst all the horror.

I enjoyed parts of this book but will not read it again.

View all my reviews

+ We have survived the Great Hargray Internet Outage of 2024. If you were in GA, SC, FL, or AL with Hargray as your internet provider, you were out of internet most of yesterday. Fortunately, it was fixed before bedtime last night.

- I have discovered one of the reasons why I have been having more flare-ups, migraines, and fatigue over the last two months. My FIL has been glutening me--not enough to make me puke but enough to evoke an autoimmune response that has me lowkey feeling like shit all the time. Hurray! He clearly doesn't believe it's something he should be careful about; maybe he even thinks I'm just being precious about it. If an 11 year old can keep me safe, then he is certainly capable. But he doesn't care to. I realized this when I saw him get a piece of pizza and then use the same hand to get the ice scooper; I called him out on it, and he was a jackass about it. Which is another problem. You can't explain the rules to him or call him out on anything without him being a jackass. Josh also gave away his beautiful, expensive, bespoke butcher block cutting board that he got for Christmas because FIL got crumbs all over it. I cried and cried over that one and felt terribly guilty.

Fortunately, Josh is 100% on my side. He reamed his father out and told him he could never speak to me like that again and that he had to follow the rules, etc. To FIL's credit, he apologized to me the next day, and in front of Fiona, but it wasn't long before I saw him about to cross-contaminate the lunch meat again. This time when I told him to get his lunch meat and cheese before his bread, he just did it instead of clapping back at me. But it's clear that when left to his own devices, he just does whatever.

So, I now have my own little stash of lunch meat hidden in the depths of the fridge where he can't find it, and I feel much better physically if not mentally.

+ I just finished rereading the Parasol Protectorate series, which is delightful fun. I wish I had thought to nominate it for Yuletide, but I reread the whole series in a whirlwind last week to prepare for a reading group this week. Steampunk + all the slash, femslash, and het you could want = great fun.

( PP book reviews )

- Objectively, living with FIL is fine. But subjectively, it is really starting to chafe. He is either sitting silently in his chair and completely disinterested in making conversation to the point that he doesn't even look at people when they come in the room (he's always been like this) or in his bedroom napping. It's hard to explain how tiresome it is to be in the company of someone like that day after day after day. And this part makes me feel like a shitheel, but what makes it worse is that he's never expressed a single bit of gratitude, not said thank you one time, for us completely upending our lives and bringing him here. :(

1. Everything is going really well with FIL. His transition into the household has been seamless, and his health is good. I was really worried that him living with us was going to be a negative experience in a lot of ways, but that has not been the case at all!

2. Deep, deep thanks to

executrix for helping us navigate all the elder care rigamarole. We have lawyerified, and the plans are in motion. I think MIL will very soon be in a facility.

3. The Cushing's diagnosis has fallen through; despite testing positive on 3 out of 4 of the diagnostic tests, I didn't test positive enough. Fuck all them fuckers, she says cheerfully. May they and someone they love, preferably a child, develop simultaneous chronic illnesses no one can diagnosis and which everyone vaguely acts like they're making up.

4. The semester starts tomorrow. I'm not ready to go back.

We are bringing Josh's dad to live with us next week after the fall he had on July 4th. He's been in the hospital followed by a rehab facility since then and will be released next week. Josh's mom left yesterday to go live with his sister in Knoxville; she has dementia and cannot be left alone. Josh got home yesterday after taking care of his folks for two weeks, largely by himself (although my mom came to sit with his mom on two afternoons, his aunt came for a few days and was a huge help, and Sarah got there this week and helped for a few days).

So much thanks to

executrix for expert advice on navigating elder care issues,

misbegotten and

spikedluv for keeping us fed, and

amejisuto for raising our spirits. And thanks to all of your for support; your comments and messages have been so encouraging.

This is going to be an adjustment, and a challenging one, but I'm optimistic, and so is Josh.

My aunt's prognosis is very poor; that side of the family doesn't believe in preventative medicine. They don't go for annual checkups or get mammograms or colonoscopies and stuff like that, so the cancer was detected very late. She's also caught up in the usual shenanigans of the medical system not moving quickly/answering calls/etc., and she's not advocating for herself. I think my mom finally convinced her to do so, but given the severity and worsening of her symptoms, I think a positive outcome for her is unlikely. :( She's the least wackadoodle of my aunts on that side LOL, and I'm really sorry she's going through this. I feel really terrible for her son, my cousin Scott. His wife died suddenly of a blood clot about three years ago while he was on a business trip; his dad had a stroke about a month ago, and now his mom has ovarian cancer. :(

In any event, I'm grateful to you all for your friendship, and I'm certain I'll be leaning on you as the situation unfolds.

1. Thank you all for the prayers and well-wishes; they are working. Josh's dad has greatly improved. His arm has improved enough that they are no longer talking skin graft, so we are all relieved about that. He has accepted home health coming. He has accepted cleaners coming; they will be coming Wed. do to a deep clean, and then they'll be doing a monthly maintenance clean after that. He's had the first appointment with the cardiologist and been fitted with a heart monitor that he's wearing for a week, so hopefully we'll have some more useful data to work with soon about his heart. He and Josh's mom are meeting with a lawyer to draw up a will at some point this week. Josh and Sarah are going over on Thursday and staying the long holiday weekend to start figuring out some plans for what to do about their mother and just long term plans in general. This is very stressful for them both as you can imagine.

No advice, please. Just love. <3

3.

amejisuto sent me a Platinum Preppy with a medium nib (05) as a back-to-school happy. I have one with a fine nib (03), and I like it just fine, but I suspected I would like the medium better, and I was right! This pen is the perfect line width, and it writes like butter. If you want an excellent fountain pen that writes just as well or better than super expensive ones, you can't go wrong with a five dollar Preppy.

4. A dear friend from graduate school sent me some beautiful notebooks from postalco.com. This is a Japanese company I wasn't familiar with, but these notebooks are like works of art. I am going to be the fanciest at the meeting. (Let's be real; I am always the fanciest at the meeting. LOL)

Yesterday while talking with the kiddos, Josh's mom just casually drops that Josh's dad has been in a car wreck and is in the ER. She doesn't seem particularly concerned about this, so the kids hang up with her and tell Josh. Josh calls her back, and she doesn't know where the wreck happened or where the car is or how severe the the wreck was or how badly Josh's dad is injured.

So Josh and his sister enter crisis mode.

This has been the worst case scenario for a long time. What happens to Josh's mom if something happens to Josh's dad? She can't be left alone. She can't drive (although she thinks she can and sometime does). She can't even remember shortly after being told the details of what has happened to her husband who is in the ER.

So, Sarah manages to get ahold of her dad. He was not in a wreck. He was at the gas station and passed out and was taken to the ER as a consequence. His skin is tissue paper thin, so when he fell, all the skin on one of his arms just sloughed off; that appears to be his major injury (along with whatever made him pass out in the first place). Sarah also called the gas station where it happened and talked to the person on duty who was there when it happened, and she said that her dad told the EMTs he was fine and just wanted to go home but then passed out again when he tried to stand, so they were all like, "Nope. You're going to the hospital. Also, you have no skin on your arm, and you're covered in blood, old man."

Meanwhile, Josh gets ahold of a family friend to come be with his mom because I said, "Baby, what if the hospital calls her to come up there because something is going terribly wrong?" and all the blood drained out of his face.

Sarah got ahold of her dad's boss to take care of getting the car back home and getting rid of the spoiled groceries because Josh's mom was volunteering to drive the car back with family friend following, and none of us were having that (not to mention she would have to drive through Flowood, and if any of you know Jackson, Flowood cops are just itching to give anybody a ticket).

Then we had to worry about whether the ER was going to discharge his dad in the middle of the night because they couldn't find anything wrong with him, but they admitted him.

At least his dad can answer questions about what's going on and remember what the doctor says because it's a nightmare when his mom is hospitalized trying to get any accurate information about what's happening.

Thoughts, prayers, and general exhortations to the universe are all welcome, my friends.