lunabee34

Aahhahahahahaahha. There is something wrong with me.

*flails*

Adam Savage/Jamie Hyneman; Adult

“Cut the pirate shit, Adam,” Jamie says. He’s tired—tired of the sickening thump in his chest each time the cannon fires, tired of reshooting the same goddamn scene eight times because Adam screws up his accent, and especially tired of Adam hobbling around on that fucking stupid peg leg. Adam thinks he’s funny with that shit. He’s not. Just before Jamie’s ready to club him senseless with it, Adam unstraps the leg and stuffs it down the barrel of the cannon. It immediately disintegrates on firing and Jamie pretends to be surprised for the camera. At least the goddamn thing’s gone.

The drive back from the base is long and boring and Adam insists on singing along with the radio. Normally this doesn’t bother Jamie; although, he’d never say it out loud, he usually finds Adam’s off key and slightly nasal singing voice sort of endearing. Not today.

Jamie slides on his sunglasses and settles back against the window, tries to sleep. He finds himself watching Adam instead—his left hand beating out the bass line on the steering wheel, his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek as he hums over the words he doesn’t know. Adam’s hair looks demented, unkempt, and Jamie has no idea why makeup didn’t nip that particular experiment in the bud. Adam hits a particularly sour note on “Immigrant Song” and Jamie resists the urge to reach over and smack him in the face. They’ve been living in each other’s pockets for too long without a break now and Jamie’s ready for some down time.

When they pull in at the warehouse, Jamie opens the door before Adam fully brakes. He’s halfway across the lot to his own car before Adam catches up to him. “What the hell is wrong with you today?” Adam says.

“Nothing,” Jamie says. “Just leave it alone.”

“No way. You’ve been acting like somebody shit in your Wheaties all afternoon and I’m tired of it.” Adam leans into his personal space, his head cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed, leans way too close for Jamie to hang on to his resolve not to deck him. Jamie puts some distance between them, but Adam steps right up again until their chests are almost touching. The parking lot’s empty except for the two of them and Jamie’s glad because the last thing they need is some intern posting a picture of them fighting to her blog.

Jamie pushes Adam, who rocks back on his heels and drops his jaw and has the nerve to look fucking hurt. After that it’s on, the two of them scrapping on the pavement like teenagers. Adam gets in one good hit to Jamie’s ribs and Jamie nearly pops Adam in the mouth like he’s been wanting to all day before he remembers that marking up each other’s faces isn’t such a good idea. Finally, finally, Jamie pins Adam to the asphalt. Adam’s breathing hard underneath him, his face red and sweaty with a tiny bruise coming up on his chin where Jamie accidentally clocked him with an elbow. Jamie holds him there for awhile, until the whole thing starts to feel pretty stupid, and then he lets Adam’s wrists go.

Adam doesn’t roll away or push Jamie off or punch him now that his hands are free. Instead, he leans up and kisses him, fucking kisses him, right on the mouth. Jamie’s so surprised that for a minute he doesn’t do anything. Then Adam hikes his hips up into Jamie’s and he’s hard and his hands are sliding around Jamie’s back to fist in his shirt and Jamie kisses him then.

Adam’s mouth is hot and wet and his tongue is wicked. Jamie shudders, electric shocks down his spine, and he wonders if maybe this is what’s been eating at him all this time. Adam pulls away and tugs at the ends of Jamie’s moustache. “You really gotta shave this shit. Kinda hard to kiss through.”

“Shut up,” Jamie says and pulls Adam to his feet. They get back in Adam’s car and head for the coast. “So help me god, if you talk like a pirate even once when we’re fucking, I’m kicking you in the nads,” Jamie says. “Just so we’re clear.”

“Aye, aye,” Adam says, worming his right hand down Jamie’s pants, and Jamie decides it’s a better idea to kick him later. After the sex. When he least expects it.

Forthcoming: Jeffrey Steingarten/Bonecrusher and Steve Irwin/Wes Mannion vignettes. BECAUSE I CAN!!!!