lunabee34

Remix is live and ~~some shiny individual~~

amara_m wrote the most amazing Remix of Thanatopsis (SPN; Sam/Dean; Adult). The writing of this story remains the most visceral and emotional writing experience of my life. I was driving from Oxford to Hattiesburg, MS (somewhere between 300-350 miles) with my young child and I just got hit by this idea. Smack in the face, almost as if I could audibly hear words being spoken. "Roadkill" had just aired and I couldn't get that idea out of my mind--the ghost who doesn't know she's a ghost, who's caught in this endless cycle of confusion and misundertanding and longing. I'm driving and I don't want to stop but the words are coming and Emma is sleeping and if I stop she might wake up and I'd really rather drive with her sleeping because I'm alone. There's a pile of napkins in the console (this is what mothers do; we collect napkins) so I start writing on the napkins (WHILE DRIVING! LIKE A DUMBASS!) and then I start crying because I am making myself SO SAD! So that by the time I get to my folks, I have like twenty napkins covered in fic and my face is all puffy. I told them Ira Glass was airing a very emotional story; I'm not sure they bought it. Or that they knew who Ira Glass is, but I digress.

amara_m has written thanatopsis (The Little Things Remix), and it is glorious. I believe fervently that remix is not for the original author; it is for the remixee to remix as ze will, but that being said, oh is this story for me. I adore this fic and let me tell you why.

When I think of remix, this is exactly the sort of story I picture.

First off, Amara shifts the POV; my story is told from Dean's POV and she gives us Sam's. I love watching events unfold from Sam's perspective. The reveal is just as slow in her story as it is in mine; the reader should take about the same amount of time to figure out what's going on in both stories; however, in Amara's version, Sam is in the same position as the reader in my story. Unlike Dean, Sam is in the dark about what's happening to him for some time. This line is particularly fine: He pauses beside the car, reaching in through the open window to touch the worn leather of the seat with a longing filling his stomach. He misses her, which seems strange.

I love the way that Amara gives us more of the vignettes I just glossed over, in particular the year in which they fight.

I love the way Amara turns this line from my fic: "Sorry we got separated." into this amazing bit of doublespeak that I never achieved in my story. In my story it's just part of the dialogue that Sam says every year; it's part of his script. Amara makes it the backbone of the whole story--sorry we got separated, sorry I died, sorry you can't move on. "Sorry we got separated." Sam whispers into Dean's ear as Dean's eyes close and his warm body spoons into Sam's. Dean's hand pulls Sam's hand to his chest and he clings to it, his heart beating out a rhythm that sounds to Sam like not yet, not yet, not yet.

I love that Amara makes it clear that Sam isn't just sticking around for Dean's sake, that he needs this too, that he isn't ready either. He is afraid to go, and why shouldn't he be: They sit in silence, side by side, looking out at the thick bank of clouds that threaten rain, watching lightening streak them bright white that fades to dark again in an instant and Sam thinks that's what it should be like, but he knows somehow it won't be. God that's a lovely image.

Reading this story was like writing the original all over again. It hurt my heart just as much and in strangely different places.

This is a fine, fine piece and I think you all should read it. Thank you,

amara_m.