Lorraine Bares her Ass, so to Speak

[lunabee34]

Warning: Yes, it's that time. Lorraine!Sharing time.

I've been thinking lately about the way fanfic has altered the way I think about RL. For instance, in the matter of butt-loving--prior to my immersion in fanfic, I'd had a wretched encounter with an idiot who thought Carmex has an off-label use as lube and another situation not of my choosing or under my control. Suffice it to say that I was extremely disinterested in anal sex. But then I started reading slash, and I thought, if Xander likes it more than even chocolate, there's gotta be something to this thing. And, by god, even though I don't have a magical orgasm button prostate, there is!! So here's an instance of fanfic challenging my perceptions and allowing me to have a positive experience I probably wouldn't have had otherwise.

But then I got to thinking. Surely the converse is true. Although it's never been my extreme good fortune experience to participate in a threesome, I"m sure they don't proceed as smoothly, non-jealously, and non-awkwardly as they do in fanfic. So I'm wondering: 1. have any of you had an experience like mine where fanfic opened up anvenues for you and changed your mind about something or 2. have any of you been disillusioned by fanfic, disappointed by fanfic portrayals vs. reality?

Also in a randomness, earlier this week, when I was sad, it rained--a great wall of water that fell to the earth and shattered. I wrote a letter and stood in the parking lot and let it fall into the wet at my feet. I expected the ink to run and become indecipherable and the paper to melt. Neither of these things happened. It was utterly lacking as a symbolic gesture.

Comments

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Fanfic has introduced me to a lot of sex ideas I hadn't thought of before, but it was simultaneous with encountering them from talking to friends, so I'm not sure I can point to any sex ideas I encountered *solely* through fanfic. Reading and writing fanfic involved more personal ponderment whether I personally would want to do something than just talking with sexually active friends did, admittedly. I'm very aware that sex-oriented fanfic, like traditional porn and romance novels, is heavily fictionalized and romanticized, and I would consult more authoritative sources for stuff like how much lube is necessary, how many times a guy can have sex in succession, etc. -- with the acknowledgement of course that mileages vary. And I do try to consult such sources in writing sex (and wish all writers did 'cause obviously realism is a huge thing for me). My unrealism complaint that might actually top sex activity mechanics is the whole "and she looked into his eyes and knew [how he felt, the depths of his soul, whatever]" sort of thing. It feels like taking such an easy way out on the part of the writer and pings me particularly because reading signals from people IRL is one of the things I'm so bad at. One more unrealism aspect to add to the mix: In porn (incl. fanfic), people jump each other at a moment's notice, and the more invested I am in the pairing the more willing I am to suspend disbelief about the parties getting together despite all the extenuating factors (though again, I try to make a pairing believable when I'm writing it).

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

Fanfic has definitely upped my sex activity awareness. For instance, I have a huge tattoo/piercing kink that was lying dormant waiting to get out. LOL A good bit of the sex activities I've discovered through fanfic are things I *don't* want to do, but that's good to know as well.

Sometimes, the emotional unrealism of fanfic works for me. Sometimes, I read it precisely because she can look into his eyes and know exactly what's going on and that fantasy is comforting. But as a measure of reality, it's far afield.

This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Despite several efforts, I cannot actually do ballroom dancing but I was once at a party where someone who was a good dancer said that a good lead communicates the direction of the dance because you can feel the tension in his forearms. Sort of like "Dirty Dancing"--I mean, I think that you should be able to get if not total insight into a sex partner, at least a pretty good idea.

I usually write "awww, what the hell, go ahead and try this at home, kids" sex scenes tho. I mean, when I was still writing Blakes7, assuming that I would have sex with Blake (a big "if") Avon seldom did anything I wouldn't do.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

I mean, I think that you should be able to get if not total insight into a sex partner, at least a pretty good idea.

*nods*

And even if at times you're still clueless in RL, as we've discussed before, I still want sex scenes to work for characterization and some other purpose than the orgasm.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[executrix.livejournal.com]

OK,it's not the ONLY reason why there are so many sex scenes in fanfics, but one reason is that properly done, they can provide so much insight into character. Which is why I hate ATG scenes so much--it's a completely wasted opportunity.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

"ATG"?

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Point taken. I'm actually thinking more about pre-sex scenes than sex scenes -- and unfortunately can't think of any specific examples to point to -- and more about using it as a shorthand to get the characters out of having to actually talk to each other, like it solves the pesky "Mal doesn't wanna talk about his feelings (for Inara)" problem if Inara can just look at him and know everything. And this is something of a bad example because Inara is Trained to be able to read people and see what they don't want to say, but I still feel like I've seen a number of fanfic instances in which it goes way beyond that, and also in which it is done with characters who aren't Trained like that.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[executrix.livejournal.com]

repling to hermionesviolin:
In any society, the less-powerful social group gets more training in figuring out the more-powerful than vice versa, so I think that even RL women who aren't Companion-like in most ways do have a lot of insight into male body language and can read between the lines of male speech.

ATG: "Any Two Guys"

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Again, a good point. However, one reason this issue particularly bothers me is precisely because I was never particularly good at reading social cues (either in encounters with males or with other females). So not only does the trope feel unrealistic to me but it also alienates me as a reader.

re: ATG. Ah, gotcha. I'm familiar with the phrase but had never seen it abbreviated. And yes, completely agreed.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[executrix.livejournal.com]

In some ways I find being a fiction writer counterproductive in dealing with people who actually exist, because I tend to come up with over-complicated backstory and explanations for RL conduct.

Re: This Is My Dance Space, This is Your Dance Space

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Oh I do that wholly without the excuse of being a writer, just projecting my own overthinking onto other people.

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really enjoy getting to try stuff out on a fantasy basis (either literally in-my-head fantasy or vicariously through a specific fic) and figure out what I suspect I would like to try in meatspace and what I think I wouldn't.