Crowdsourcing My Self-Care

[lunabee34]

I need some calm and peace and comfort and strength and love and light in my life.

To that end, I would appreciate it if you would tell me about your religious, spiritual, mystical, and/or secular practices, rituals, or behaviors that give you the aforementioned.

Note: I would be delighted with lateral discussion; as a teacher, it is always my goal LOL. However, I will not tolerate any negative comments about peoples' beliefs and practices in this post (which I know is an unnecessary disclaimer as you all are the loveliest people who would never dream of being that kind of jackass).

Comments

[sweettartheart]

I find going into a witness protection program very soothing. ;)

I don't know why it works for me, but sitting on the floor of the shower (with the shower on) is more relaxing than a bath. (ETA: Ah, I do know: the water beating on my head blocks out the world.)

Also, paying someone to give me a pedicure.

[lunabee34]

I adore getting a pedicure. It makes me feel relaxed but also attractive. Now that we are getting paid again (after summer hiatus), I am making it a point to get a pedicure and facial each month.

Oooh, that's a great idea about the witness protection program shower. I will give that a try.

[goss]

Rambling thoughts:

- Sometimes I find it helpful to stop and picture myself a year from now, looking back at my present situation. It takes me outside of myself and gives me a broader perspective, and also a bit of comfort and confidence that I will indeed get through it, even though at the time it seems impossible in the moment.

- I was watching this short Youtube video this morning while eating breakfast, and nodding along to many of these: 9 Habits To Stay Happy

- In terms of religious stuff, I find it easier to deal with people when I view us all as connected and One in some form, sometimes picturing us all with the same inner light/soul (But also recognising that we may be on different levels in this journey, that some have a longer way to go that others).

- I gain strength from the belief that our potential is as infinite as the Soul itself. That we are powerful Beings, walking gods. That our peace and happiness is tied to what makes us content in life, and that we have the power to define that.

- Karma, that the challenges and negative situations that we face in this lifetime have been placed in our path to teach us, to hone us to be better people.

- Sending good energy out into the world is never wasted effort. It balances the darkness, and as we are all connected, it does come back around. ;)

[lunabee34]

I find these so helpful. Thank you for sharing.

I agree with you about kindness never being wasted. It sounds a bit selfish to say be kind to others because that kindness rebounds to you, but it's true. I have found throughout my life that being kind and generous with others typically results in that same kindness being extended to me even if it's not an immediate effect.

I also am drawn to the idea you've expressed here of thinking of everyone as connected with the power to define their lives. I get so hung up on the things I don't have control over, and there are so many. But while it's true that I cannot control my health or my FIL or whatever external thing it is, I can control the way I respond and the way I behave. That is always within my power.

[sheafrotherdon]

Beloved music is a great way to get a dopamine hit. I have a playlist of my favorite songs that I listen to over and over - the routine of the songs in the order I put them on that list is as soothing as the actual music.

I nap. Sometimes there is nothing that soothes me as quickly as being somewhere where I can be horizontal and close my eyes, even if I don't fall asleep.

Sending heaps of love your way ♥

[lunabee34]

Thank you for these suggestions.

It's so interesting to me the way my love for music has waned. I don't know why it happened but I know when it started. When I got pregnant with Dylan 22 years ago, music started annoying me, and all I wanted to listen to in the car was NPR. It was a visceral response thing in the same way that smells made me nauseated at the time. Once she was born, that overwhelming feeling went away, but my deep immersion in music never recovered from that moment. Frequently people will post about music and how important it is in their lives and I think I should try to rekindle my love for music.

[lyr]

There is, of course, cuddling pets. There is also taking a self-care day; my collection of bath bombs is, in fact, the bomb. And I am a bit of a stress baker. Spiritually, I have a number of rituals like meditating on the spiral dance and ecstatic dance meditation. Gwyd likes to end each day making a mental list of the things he's grateful for. And in really bad times I like to do what I learned from my mother: plan detailed exit strategies. I'm not suddenly going to disappear in the night and turn up as a llama rancher called Bianca in New Mexico, but I know all the ways that I could.

[princessofgeeks]

I LOVE the idea of planning an escape. Wow. I will be thinking about that a lot.

[lunabee34]

Loving on Sammy is 100% part of my de-stressing plan. :D

Can you explain a little more about what meditating on the spiral dance and ecstatic dance meditation are? I know I could google, but I'd prefer to hear about your experiences and how they work for you. :)

I love the idea of planning exit strategies.

Thank you for these suggestions.

[independence1776]

Religion-wise: attending synagogue services every Saturday morning. The routine/ritual is soothing.

On the secular side of things:

~ listening (and dancing) to loud, pounding music. I'm not talking metal or anything, just upbeat songs that have a good beat.

~ taking a deep breath. I've been trying to meditate but haven't gotten far for lack of discipline but just sitting by myself and letting me be in silence.

~ journaling helps, though I don't do it near as often as I would like and should

~ finding time to be in nature. There's a park near my apartment I like walking in after work, but there's one a short drive away where the exercise path is mostly next to trees and woods. I like walking there on Sunday mornings before I go grocery shopping because it's more soothing than the nearer park because of the greenery. Or just sitting outside when the weather's nice.

~ the one I have trouble with that honestly helps more than a lot of other things: getting to bed on time. Yeah, it means I'm in bed at 9 pm but I'm getting a full night's sleep and that makes dealing with the world easier.

[lunabee34]

These are such good suggestions; thank you!

I know I need to get into nature more. I spend all my time inside from June to October because it's so damn hot here, but I also do much better when I get outdoors. And we have so much beautiful nature to look at just in our yard! I look at it all the time through the windows, but that's not the same.

I think breath-work and meditation is something I really want to explore. They both have scientific evidence backing them as practices that reduce stress.

[sholio]

During one particularly stressful time in my life, I started developing what I call The Little Zen Garden of Chill, which was (in my case) a page of a sketchbook on which I was developing a very detailed, completely unplanned scene filled with things that were fun and unstressful to draw. Instead of getting mad, I'd go draw another little part of the Zen Garden for a while, because I know the state of drawing things relaxes me. I don't know what would work for you like that, if it might be doing a little bit of a papercraft or having a window rock garden or similar project (dollhouse, terrarium, fishbowl) in which you rearrange things and add things. Or a jigsaw puzzle where you go and add some pieces. Or whatever. But basically a pleasant, fairly mindless displacement activity that you know relaxes and de-stresses you, which you can do for calming and emotional regulation when you've had to deal with a situation or memory that you need to calm down from.

(I actually only did this for a year or two, so it's not necessarily a permanent lifetime coping strategy - but if you like it, it could be.)

I also got a lot of catharsis during a different period in my life out of coming up with detailed running-away plans like lyr was saying. Am I going to do it - obviously not. But it was remarkably cathartic to look up property in places I might want to live or make incredibly detailed plans for buying a travel trailer on Craigslist and taking off for a 2-year journey around the country.

All of that aside, one of my biggest ongoing things that I do is to treat each week and each month as the start of a new small episode of my life, in which the slate is wiped clean from the past week/month and I'm starting fresh on diet, word counts, exercise, and other measures of health or success. There's a thing I've done for several years now in lieu of New Year's resolutions where I start a new "thing" every month, and I obviously don't always do that (in fact there was a lot of the pandemic where I didn't do it at all) but I'm trying to get it started back up again. It could be literally anything along the useful to fun spectrum. It could be intended to test out a new habit to see if it'll stick (taking a 10-minute walk when I get up in the morning, say) or get some short-term goal accomplished that's not meant to last beyond the month (like decluttering one small section of a room every day until done, or losing a specified amount of weight) or something fun or self-improving (like doing a little painting or a sketch every day, or going to bed early to read). Some months I've decided the Thing is posting on Dreamwidth every day, or working through my comment backlog. One of the rules is that if it's not working out and I don't like it, I can just drop it and start something new next month.

But I do like the blank-slate nature of starting each week or month fresh, and in particular I like to spend the first couple of days of each month (to the extent the rest of my life lets me, anyway) in a kind of meditative, quiet state, doing all my end-of-month business paperwork and thinking ahead to plans for the month and just kind of taking it slow and easy.

I hope your life will be easier and kinder to you soon. <3

[lunabee34]

Thank you so much for these detailed and thoughtful suggestions; they're really helpful.

I remember you posting before in your journal about adopting new habits/practices for a short period of time and then moving on if it's not working.

The idea of treating each week or month as completely new and a time to start over really resonates with me. I've always been big on New Year's Resolutions and the beginning of each semester as times to make changes, but I love, love the idea of scaling that way down.

[kass]

Many of my practices are specifically Jewish ones that are probably not super useful to you. (Like... lighting candles on Friday nights, blessing wine, considering the next 25 hours to be qualitatively unlike the rest of the week.) But setting time away from ordinary time is a good thing that can be non-sectarian, I think? Deciding that a weekend day is Different Time and marking it in some way. Being particularly kind to yourself on that day.

Gratitude practices are also really good for me, when I can sustain them.

[sheafrotherdon]

I try to observe a secular Shabbat on Saturdays. It's my no work day. (I try and keep Sunday clear too, but sometimes that's not possible.) I mark it with wonderful scents - a candle, an oil burner - and attend to creature comforts, and indulge in lovely things that make me happy.

I saw someone on bsky say, the other day, that instead of self-care they try for maintenance and morale. Maintenance is sleep, food etc and making those things a priority. And morale is "what will lift my spirits?" I liked that framing.

[timespirt]

I like to turn on the car radio and listen to christian music. Calms me right down. I also like to sit in the church pews and just commune with the quiet of the sanctuary.

[lunabee34]

There is something special about being in alone in a quiet place that feels sacred.

Thanks for sharing these suggestions; I appreciate them.

[thistleingrey]

I knit. :/ I taught myself in order to have something to fail at safely, right after finishing my dissertation. Even undoing things that I decide I don't like after all means a non-awful, non-controlling way of retaining my decisions--holding space for me.

When my hands worked better, sometimes I did parts of those coloring books--Joanna Basford, the Creative Haven stuff, etc. Target has an actual category set aside, and Jetpens still has some of the Pepin postcards (the Pepin full-pagers intimidate me). I rarely finished a whole page of anything except the postcards, and that was part of the point for me: mess around with pencils and colors, leave things imperfect or revisit them weeks later, no big deal regardless.

*hugs*

[lunabee34]

Thank you for these suggestions; they're really helpful.

I already have some coloring books; I do those from time to time, and I should pull them out more.

I think knowing how to knit or do some other craft would be a very soothing way to pass the time; I'll have to think about what I might like to learn.

[amejisuto]

Oh my! You are asking for it! LOL! I'm gonna give you some ideas and links and stuff that are general, but as you know I'm Wiccan so a lot of what you're gonna hear from me is based on that religion. It's a nature-based religion so if you can, something as simple as walking in the woods, finding a tree, and telling it your troubles can help you. But as you know I'm disabled, so I've had to find other things to help me. This is gonna be long because I know that maybe only one of these will help, but I want to help you so I want to give you choices.

First and maybe the easiest. Is creating a sacred space. It doesn't have to be religious if you're not into that, but someplace special you can go to be alone and relax. Not your office, where there is work to do, someplace where you can quiet your mind. Even just your front porch and putting a special pillow in your chair can make it a sacred space.

I use music a lot to help set up a sacred space. Awake Nation is a wonderful channel to listen to, and the higher vibrations are supposed to cleanse your body and area of negative energy and fill it with healing.

Maybe light a scented candle to set the mood, burn some incense, or use essential oils. Whatever makes you happy and relaxed.

Now, I don't know if you have done this already, but it can help! Start journaling. You can just get your thoughts out of your head, or start a gratitude journal or a dream journal. I know you've got pretty pens and notebooks, so you should have fun with this!


If you have the time, meditate. It doesn't have to be long, or sitting there thinking about nothing. Which is impossible by the way. It's just a way to clear out the bad thoughts and bring in good thoughts. I like the channel on YouTube Great Meditation. They have five and ten-minute meditations so it doesn't take long and may help your mind settle and focus.

Or you can use a prop for meditation. Like in this Meditating with Amethyst to Harmonize Mind and Spirit. You have that amethyst, use it!

There is also another way of meditation called Grounding and Centering. This can help you be balanced and hopefully get some energy into you. Who knows? It might help.

Here's something you can do in the bathroom if you can get it for some private time. Some Pagans do a Spiritual Bath to get rid of the negative energy in our lives and bring in good. Some salts, herbs or flowers, and essential oils in the bath can make it feel wonderful. Add a cup of tea and some calming music and it'll be like a spa!

Now this last one I'm going to suggest is a little out there. It's a spell but you can consider it an evening meditation or something. It's a little spell for Finding Inner Peace. All you need is a white votive or tea candle in a fire-safe dish and some time. It's really easy and may help you feel better.

I hope one of these helps you, dear heart. Sending you love and light!

[lunabee34]

These are absolutely wonderful suggestions!

I know I feel better when I get outside, so I need to get back to that.

I love that article about creating a sacred space; I think this is a really good idea and one I'm going to implement. I'm still thinking through the details but I'll let you know when I have it set up.

I'm definitely going to explore meditating; I like the one you linked me to.

And everything else! Thank you, my friend.

[amejisuto]

OH! I forgot to add. Be kind to yourself. If you miss a day or something, it's all good. You can pick it up again. Be your own best friend. If you wouldn't be mad at your best friend for missing out on something, don't be mad at yourself. Give yourself a hug and figure that you'll just try again. It's all good.

HUGS!

[lunabee34]

This is so important, and it dovetails really nicely with sholio's suggestion about treating every week, every month as a time to start over. Every day is a new day, too.

[spikedluv]

I've enjoyed reading the comments to this post.

You know most of the stuff I do for self-care: pedicure, massage, chiropractor, walks, cuddling with Midnight . . . I also like to wind down with some games on my phone before bed.

I've purchased adult coloring books, but I find myself ignoring them because I think, if I'm going to be sitting down I'd like to be reading or something like that. Defeats the purpose, lol!

I liked the idea of using music to get out of your head, and so I leave you with this song/vid from Kelly Clarkson, Stronger. Because it reminds me of you.



(The link in case the embed doesn't work: https://youtu.be/Xn676-fLq7I?si=z20YVFnJg6SleYi0)

[lunabee34]

Awwww, I love that song.

*hugs*

I need to start walking again; even if I can only walk slowly and for ten minutes a day, I really need to do it. I need to be moving and to be outside. I know that would help my mood tremendously.

I like adult coloring books, but when they have fine details, I find myself squinting and not enjoying them as much as a result. LOL

[executrix]

I think that Creation is incomplete, and it takes people to preserve it and move it forward. There are people who, intentionally or unintentionally, are on the side of Chaos or Destruction, and no one can expect that it will be easy or painless to oppose them.

The outcome of my Bad Art Summer project (now made permanent!) is that I have half an hour or so a day (more on Nekkid People Drawing Day, aka life drawing class once a month) when I feel good. I don't think it's scaleable though, I'm not planning on extending it much past one drawing a day.

After buying "cute necklace with a Buddha head" at a yard sale, I finally figured out it's a mala (Buddhist rosary) so sometimes when I'm really upset I do three rounds of meditation.

[lunabee34]

I love hearing about your Bad Art Summer project. I think it's such a great idea, and it's clearly bringing you a lot of satisfaction.

Back when I was Being Catholic, I would sometimes pray the rosary; the idea of using physical objects as a prayer/meditation focus really appeals to me.

Thank you for these suggestions!

[kat_lair]

Lists provide an illusion of control. I know it's an illusion but they still help. Sometimes, when I'm very overwhelmed I just do the 'next three things', where I decide on three things at a time (max I can hold in my head), do them, and then sit down to rest and decide on the next three things. These need to be very small things e.g. 'take morning meds, put coffee on, clean cat litter' rather than 'finish that big project'.

Audio book/podfic + colouring OR jigsaw puzzle is a great way to chillax for me.

This weekend I'm listening to my Halloween mix and putting Halloween decorations up.

[minoanmiss]

You just showed me something about myself: thank you for that.

[princessofgeeks]

I am getting a great deal out of the comments too; thank you. I'm in kind of a flaily spot right now and it's great to see what works for others and to give some thought to what has worked/might work for me again.

1. I have a twice monthly group of 5 women (it doesn't have to be women but that's how it ended up over the years) who get together for a structured conversation called Dialogue, for one hour. We have been doing this off and on for over 25 years with a varied number of groups, for a while as many as 10 but usually 5-7 people. This current group has been meeting regularly since 2018 and we did it over Zoom during the height of the pandemic. It was really a godsend for me in those days of isolation.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohm_Dialogue

It has really helped me keep in touch with myself over the years. The Wikipedia article is a good summary of what it is, but we use a slightly different set of rules based on Angeles Arrien's book The Fourfold Way. Which is a GREAT BOOK to go through and think through. I return to it over and over.

2. I am a relentless journaler in the vein of Natalie Goldberg's "writing practice" and Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way." I write a stream of consciousness journal in longhand almost every day. Reading it back weeks or months later really helps me listen to myself.

3. Getting out in nature, especially near water, is really the best thing for me. Just sitting in my back yard and watching the birds helps immensely. I learned this when I made a huge error in 2021 and moved into an apartment with no balcony and no green space at all. I had to walk to a nearby park or get in the car and drive somewhere to have any green space. Big mistake and made me very depressed. Yard work makes me feel good when I can get started.

4. I pray alot or something equivalent. I don't have any sort of organized theology, as you know, but I repeat various Buddhist or Christian prayers and ask for help for myself and my loved ones. I have a very unformed New Agey kind of bent (tarot cards are a thing I enjoy a lot) but my actual religious or spiritual beliefs seem to be perennially under construction. I still find the Desiderata highly comforting despite its origins.

5. In past decades when I went to a highly liturgical Christian church I really did get a lot out of it. I have been thinking for a while I might join a liberal church again but I'm not sure about that. I found a gorgeous liberal Lutheran church and went there for a long time and the ritual and the "production values" were comforting to me. I actually served on their board in my 30s. Amazing to remember. Seems like another life.

6. My practice has completely fallen apart but for years I went to a Saturday morning yoga class -- had to stop because of the pandemic and also I had gained a lot of weight and that particular class was pretty athletic in nature and my knees couldn't take it any more. But I am always happier when I am doing yoga a few times a week. I just do it at home using some of the routines from that class that I memorized. If I would get back to that it would help me I know.

7. Just being in the presence of my kids and listening to them talk makes me happier than any thing else ever.

[lunabee34]

I wasn't familiar with the Desiderata until you mentioned it; I'm assuming you mean the poem. What are the origins of it?

These are all such helpful suggestions. Back when I was trying to be Catholic, I did find something meaningful and enjoyable in the ritual aspects of it without really believing in it. But ultimately I have such a knee-jerk reaction against Christianity because of the way I was raised that I don't think I could truly be comfortable in even the most progressive, liberal, race/gender/sexuality affirming Christian church ever. That well is poisoned for me.

I am going to check out that book and dialogue you linked to; that sounds so so interesting.

[havocthecat]

Dance. Not really the actual exercise because I don't like exercise (I don't get an exercise high! I wish I did!), but because of the group movement practice with other people and the social activity surrounding it with people I like. I find it very soothing.

And journaling. Or knitting or some other kind of craft project. There's something I find soothing in starting to build from nothing and get something.

I find meditative practices in creative spaces, personally.

[lunabee34]

I never get an exercise high either. I am so jealous of those who do; it sounds wonderful.

These are really good suggestions. Thank you!

[anagrrl]

I love to walk in wilderness-y places and look at fungi and listen to the birds. Sometimes it's nice to just sit on a tree stump or a bench and close my eyes and breathe.

I hope you find some things that help!

[lunabee34]

Thank you! Now that the weather is improving, I am going to make an effort to get outside more. I always feel better when I can do that.